JJ Abrams, director of the recent Star Trek movies and upcoming Star Wars sequel (AKA the busiest person ever), recently released a mysterious trailer simply called “Stranger.”
The trailer is black-and-white, confusing and shows a man with a stitched mouth staring at us with horror-movie eyes. Speculation has erupted (at least in my mind), which is all part of Abrams’ classic marketing ploy, which he calls ”the mystery box.”
That said, I have 5 barely concrete theories on what this movie is actually about. If you haven’t seen the trailer yet, check it out below:
5. The Twilight Zone
Back in June, Abrams’ production company announced they were making a mini-series based on one of the last scripts of The Twilight Zone, which could be called “Stranger.” They have not yet announced the story or details for this production, making this a top contender.
4. S
In October, Abrams is coming out with his first book (co-writing at least) and it’s called S. We know little about it, but here’s a clue courtesy of the publisher:
”In his first-ever idea for a novel, Abrams conceived of and developed a multi-layered literary puzzle of love and adventure. At its core, we have a book of mysterious provenance. In the margins, another tale unfolds: hand-scribbled notes, questions, and confrontations between two readers. Between the pages, online, and in the real world, you’ll find evidence of their interaction, ephemera that brings this tale vividly to life.”
That last line mentions evidence found “online,” which could explain this YouTube video.
3. Believe
It’s possible that this is a tease for Abrams’ upcoming sci-fi series on NBC about a supernatural girl and her bodyguard (who just escaped prison) dodging “evil forces” out to get them.
2. Frankenstein
The black-and-white motif, the stitched face and the “men are erased and reborn” line all point to a possible remake of Frankenstein, though there’s nothing official about this project yet. We know that this can’t be The Crow, since that movie is already coming out next year apart from Bad Robot.
1. Cast Away 2: Wilson’s Revenge
The end of the trailer says “Soon he will know.” Will+Soon=Willsoon. Willsoooooooon!!!!! Science.
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The early reviews for Kick-Ass 2 are already out people and friends! You know what that means: It’s time to translate critic-speak so the rest of us can actually find use from their oddly chosen words.
Let’s roll.
…but in a film whose heroine is a 15-year-old girl beating up a bunch of bad dudes, that’s not just bad taste — it leaves a bad taste. -Cath Clarke (Time Out London)
Translation: I felt bad for being sexually attracted to a 15 year old girl.
For cleverly observed satirical barb or gritty, real-world dilemma, there’s an equivalent, jarring misstep into lazy cliche. -Matt Risley (Total Film)
Translation: There were parts of it I didn’t like, so I don’t like the whole thing.
A more modest success than the first Kick-Ass, but still of-a-piece with its scurrilous predecessor. -Owen Williams (Empire)
Translation: The first one was better.
To call your film Kick-Assis to work on the assumption that your audience is excited by the prospect of having their asses metaphorically kicked. -Robbie Collin (The Telegraph)
Translation: My boss forced me to watch this.
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The new trailer for Thor: The Dark World has just come out and unsurprisingly confused moviegoers everywhere. Luckily, screenshots and sarcasm exist, so I broke down what I got out of the whole thing.
Here’s the trailer first, and then we’ll have an honest discussion:
The trailer kicks off where the last one left off, Thor approaching his evil brother, Loki, for help.
After all this time…now you come to visit me brother. Why? To mock?
For some reason, Lowkey doesn’t seem very keen on this battle-plan and takes it out on the appliances. Harsh.
So the starcrossed brothers agree that they hate/don’t trust each other and officially join up. I like the idea, especially since Lowkey and his hair have been well-loved by Avengers fans.
Odin/Anthony Hopkins begins narrating, because thank Asgard, and tells us that things actually existed before things.
Some believe that before the universe, there was nothing. Well, they’re wrong.
Apparently, this darkness hates London, because that’s where all this vague, evil stuff is happening.
We see the only comic relief from these movies looking pretty serious (unfortunately) as darkness ship approaches. Also, we get a look at Darcy’s boyfriend, Ian Boothby. I don’t really know who this guy is from the comics or if he’s significant. Let’s just hope he doesn’t die that quickly.
Apparently Ian is British.
Thoar shows up and makes eyes with Jane, presumably telling her what the trailer makers refuse to tell us (what’s going on). Then he whisks her away on a rainbow and stuff.
She probably said something like, “Hey this seems pretty dangerous,” but that’s definitely not enough to dissuade Thoar from hanging out with Natalie Portman, so.
We then see a steel pod. No idea. Even Idris Elba comes on the scene and points out how unnecessarily mysterious this movie is.
But Thoar claims that there is someone who knows who the villain is, and that’s Lowkey. Because apparently villains friend each other online.
We then see the ThunderGodFriends each displaying how much they don’t like their former comrade, which is the highlight of the trailer. Even Sif-ylous gets a jab.
When is she getting her own movie again? Oh and Jane Hostage gets a slap in.
Aside from Sif-ylous looking overly worried in the background and Lowkey apparently being turned on by pain, the trailer transitions to the soundtrack-fueled action scenes.
There’s a waterfall which is pretty cool. Everyone is on a boat. Oh, and the Drell make an appearance as the villains!
The villain starts talking (probably the guy who played the cop in Bridesmaids) and tells Thoar that his awesomeness isn’t that awesome because they’re going to do bad things.
Then something surprising happens after a slew of confusing action scenes. Jane Hostage is back with her friends (stockholm syndrome?) and reveals what the villain’s actual goal is. This is huge people.
Because whatever.
Then Thoar fights the Drell from the London part of the movie that they skipped earlier, thank Asgard, and we’re treated to an extended scene of Thoar going Indiana Jones on this dude.
Thoar turns him into a bunch of rocks thanks to his hammer being magic and then he says something that isn’t actually cheesy.
Overall, I liked this trailer a lot. We got to see more of the London setting and interactions between the main heroes and Loki (okay I’ll say it right).
What’s looking good is the movie’s willingness to thrust the side heroes into bigger roles. Sif gets more screen time, and we even see Thor’s mom fighting. Also, using Asgard as the backdrop for most of this movie lends to the strengths of this adaptation.
After all, the stakes have to be high for the God of Thunder, and we need a reasonable explanation for why none of the other Avengers will show up, which Iron Man 3 managed to pull off pretty well.
I do have several questions however…
1. Will Jane slap Sif as hard as she did Loki when they fight over Thor?
2. Will EA sue Marvel for ripping off Mass Effect?
3. How will this movie affect Tom Hiddleston’s dubstep career?
Thor: The Dark World will be hitting theaters November 8.
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The early reviews for Elysium are already out and being established as the narrative for what we’re supposed to think about this movie (too honest?)
So I took the liberty of gathering soundbites from these reviews and giving you the translations you didn’t even know you wanted. Let’s begin.
And yet for all the accomplished direction, fine performances from the entire cast (though the villains do veer toward one-dimensionality) and the successful landing of a very ambitious story, Blomkamp stumbles in the basic structural work of the screenplay. -Kevin Jagernauth (The Playlist)
Translation: It gets boring sometimes.
District 9 writer-director Neill Blomkamp delivers a less dazzling but absorbing and intelligent bit of futurism. -Scott Foundas (Variety)
Translation: It’s not as good as District 9, but you probably won’t care.
The purity afforded Max, in stark contrast to the cartoonish evilness represented by Fichtner, Copley, and Foster, dulls the force of Blomkamp’s inventive set pieces and gadgetry, which are at the heart of his undeniable talents. -Chris Cabin (Slant Magazine)
Translation: The main character is boring unless he’s blowing stuff up.
Frankly, “Elysium” is a bit of a liberal’s wet dream… -William Goss (Film.com)
Translation: Elysium is a bit of a liberal’s wet dream.
All the interest and goodwill built up by the sharply conceived preliminaries is washed away in a succession of scenes that feel crushingly routine and generic, not to mention guided by ideological urges. -Todd McCarthy (The Hollywood Reporter)
Translation: The ending sucks.
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The brand-new Hunger Games: Catching Fire trailer has just come out, so I decided to break the trailer down using only graphics and sarcasm. Let’s see how this goes!
JJ Abrams, director of the recent Star Trek movies and upcoming Star Wars sequel (AKA the busiest person ever), recently released a mysterious trailer simply called “Stranger.”
