Reviews

Review: ‘The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water’

Regular readers know that I’m a massive fan of the SpongeBob series pre-2005. That, of course, includes the first big screen adaptation of the cartoon ten years ago.

I’ve hated how the series has changed since then, but I was hoping to enjoy the first movie’s sequel, The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.

spongebob movie

First, let’s focus on the positives. Sponge Out of Water is visually amazing. Yes, there’s still a lot of hand-drawn animation, and it looks really good, especially in 3D. The textures are expertly done, and it’s one of the few 3D experiences I’ve actually preferred over the traditional viewing. And yes, the live-action CGI is beautiful.

But that’s where the positives end.

Sadly, I hated it. I laughed…maybe twice? I can’t really remember. It suffered from a lot of the issues I’ve noticed with the cartoon since Stephen Hillenburg left the show creatively after the first movie. The comedic timing was very poor, excellent characters like Squidward didn’t get enough screen time, and the story, while interesting, just wasn’t told well.

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The writing and dialogue were insufferable to me. And the moments that did work for me (like Mr. Krabs hearing the word “refund” through his headphones) were drowned out by other gags that felt incredibly forced.

Obviously, this means the movie will work for fans of the show as it currently is. Have at it. But as a longtime fan of the classic era of the show, I can’t get behind it.

And I should point out that the trailer is incredibly misleading. The majority of the movie does not take place on the surface, as it seems to suggest.

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In fact, you’ll notice that almost every single gag in the trailer is repeated in the live-action scenes, to the point where I knew exactly what was going to happen next with nearly zero surprises or new dialogue.

To break the movie down further, I’ll have to provide more spoiler-ish comments, which are below. You’ve been warned.

One of the most surprising errors they made with this movie had to have been with how they did the storyboards, because the sequence of events in Sponge Out of Water is almost completely incoherent. 45 minutes of the movie in the middle contribute nearly nothing to the plot. You’re just watching a dragged out sequence of SpongeBob and Plankton trying to figure out how to do this in order to that.

spongebob movie

There’s a time-traveling sequence that provides some of the better visuals for the movie, but they just come off as flat. I appreciate the show when it gets weird, but there has to be some meat or humor to it. These sequences were just thin moments that didn’t connect.

And yes, SpongeBob and Plankton spend a good chunk of the movie as a team. In theory, I loved it. In execution? I was bored. It dragged the story and completely undercut the final act on the surface, to the point where it felt like the first half of the movie could have been cut 75%.

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As for Antonio Banderas, he did fine. Though to be honest, I just wanted him to transform into Zorro every time he started talking.

So there you have it. If you’ve seen the trailer as many times as I have, then I recommend you skip this. You’ve already seen the best jokes (and the final 20 minutes of the movie at that). I don’t doubt that some people will enjoy the movie anyway, but I can’t find a reason why.

But hey, at least it was better than Strange Magic. Or you could just re-watch this episode like I did:

spongebob movie

Thanks for reading! If you like reading the strange things I write about, be sure to subscribe to this blog by clicking “follow” on the sidebar. Or just follow me on Twitter for updates: @JonNegroni. 

Video Review – Jupiter Ascending

jupiter ascending video review

Chris Stuckman is rapidly becoming one of my favorite critics, period, even though he’s not really a critic. He’s really just an awesome movie fan who happens to be great at talking about movies.

Anyway, there’s few other reviewers I trust to have opinions shared on this site, so here’s the Stuckman review for Jupiter Ascending, which gets a limited release this weekend.

If you enjoy Chris’s video, please follow him everywhere he has a following. Enjoy.

Review ‘Annie’ Is the Worst Movie I’ve Seen All Year.

And that’s saying something.

Let me preface this by saying that I was absolutely in love with the idea of a new Annie movie for this new generation. I was also glad that they were willing to take creative risks with the story, characters, and even original music.

Ironically, none of that is what makes the film the worst Annie movie of all time, as well as one of the worst movies I’ve seen in years.

annie movie

 

That said, the new story is inventive and even gutsy. I actually bought that it was “Annie” for the modern day. It was a little jarring to be taken out of the 1930s, but I stuck with it.

No, what brings this film down is the fact that someone decided to release a post-2005 Disney Channel Original Movie into theaters, masquerading as a tribute to one of the most celebrated stories of the 20th Century.

I’ll state outright that anyone who even remotely dislikes the post-High School Musical Disney Channel will be disgusted by this movie. For them (and me), it’s unwatchable.

annie movie

And even if the Disney Channel is your thing, I suspect you’ll still be put off by various other gaping missteps this movie takes, from countless potholes plotholes to unwittingly preachy left-wing messaging that felt incredibly out-of-place.

The major sins of Annie (and trust me, I hate to even call the movie Annie) include some of the things a movie based on a major broadway play should make priority #1. The first is the sound recording. None of the characters even look like they’re actually singing, and the recordings are so “polished,” there isn’t an ounce of immersion.

annie movie

The closest the film came to decent choreography and sound was during “It’s a Hard-Knock Life,” but that was only thanks to the fact that you couldn’t really see the characters anyway. And other classic numbers are so poorly done, you’ll wonder why they even included music in this movie at all.

Jamie Foxx does what he can with this script, along with Rose Byrne and Quvenzhane Wallis as Annie herself. Strangely, these three main characters deliver fine performances, and it was their chemistry that made the trailers seem promising.

But the acting falls apart nearly everywhere else. Cameron Diaz is clearly phoning it in as the persistently drunk Ms. Hannigan, and her overacting makes me think she was actually wasted on set.

annie movie

And the children from the orphanage couldn’t deliver a single believable line, despite the fact that countless other young (and competent) actors would be chomping at the bit for a role in Annie. Where were they during auditions?

None of the humor worked for me (yes, they save the few funny lines for the trailer), and as I mentioned earlier, the plot holes are too huge to ignore, no matter how old you are.

SPOILER WARNING (though, it’s related to pretty much every other Annie plot):

annie movie

One of the biggest plot holes of the movie left me with my jaw so wide, I couldn’t write this without pointing it out. Toward the end of the movie, Annie gets kidnapped by two people claiming to be her parents.

We clearly see her leave her room with her phone on her, but when she’s later locked in the car with her kidnappers, she doesn’t use the phone to call for help. We just don’t see the phone at all (the phones in this movie, by the way, look bizarre to the point where I feel compelled to bring up how strange they look).

Now Jamie Foxx plays the CEO of a cell phone company, and we find out early in the movie (by the chauffeur of all people) that the company spies on everyone. You know, like Bruce Wayne in The Dark Knight.

annie movie

But when they try to use this technology to find Annie, they just give up and decide to use recent pictures of her posted on Instagram and Twitter.

Guys, can I just say that I am sick and tired of these movies made by people who try way too hard to incorporate modern technological phenomenon in their movies. It’s to the point where “going viral” is the plot device of almost every single movie since The Social Network, including objectively good movies like Birdman.

Bottom line: it’s lazy. And incredibly overused.

Another gaping plot hole is that the kids in Annie’s orphanage know that Ms. Hannigan is auditioning people to pretend to be Annie’s parents. We see them admitting people into the orphanage for tryouts as they practice their lines. These are Annie’s closest friends, and they don’t say a word to anyone about it.

annie movie

I could go on, but I think you get my point. It’s very rare that a movie infuriates me to this level. I can shrug off a bad movie. They happen. But when you mess with a legacy like Annie, which has legions of fans of all ages, and ruin it for an entire generation, you do something cinematically unforgivable.

This is saying something, but Annie (2014) is so terrible, I’m actually glad that it strays so much from the original Annie. At least this way, fewer people will confuse the two.

My advice? You’re better off watching the TV movie version from 1999.

Review: ‘Wild’ is Reese Witherspoon’s Best Movie In Years

Based on a true story, Wild features Witherspoon like you’ve never seen her (especially if you’ve seen Election recently). She’s broken, vulnerable, and utterly real.

It’s not enough that the story is good — Witherspoon plays Cheryl Strayed, a divorced heroin junkie who attempts to hike the treacherous Pacific Crest Trail (over 1000 miles total) to heal herself emotionally and physically. The story is also brilliantly told.

We watch her journey in the “present” filtered with constant flashbacks that range everywhere from her childhood to how quickly her life fell apart as an adult. This is a great example of how to use the benefits of a “mosaic” style of filmmaking while also keeping a level of coherence.

It’s easy to follow along, but more importantly, it’s effortless to care about Cheryl Strayed. And that’s where Witherspoon shines: maintaining the line between realism and likability.

Every step of her journey feels like one the audience is taking. Every blister, cut, scrape, and sigh of desperation is felt, in no small part thanks to a dedicated script written by Nick Hornby, coupled with Witherspoon’s commitment to her own trauma.

One scene in particular places Cheryl in her room before she’s taken a single step. Her struggle to even get her oversized gear on her back is just one indication that the running time of Wild won’t be easy for anyone involved with this film, mainly Cheryl herself.

It’s still a self-help story that leaves much of the grittier aspects of Cheryl’s transformation to the imagination (this is a Hornby script, after all). And there are just a few too many flashbacks that over-explain Cheryl’s backstory to a degree, especially when some of the final scenes could have received a little more love without stuffing the script.

Cheryl Strayed’s story of redemption is certainly a mark above other nature-centric journeys, including the more popular (and unremarkable) offerings that include Eat, Pray, Love and Into the Wild, which are also based on books.

The soundtrack is also an uplifting accessory to Cheryl’s long trek through the wilderness, combining a sense of freedom that comes with putting everything you have into a singular goal, as well as the dread that comes from that same action. “The Air That I Breathe” captures this tone in surprising ways for a throwback.

Though we never see firsthand why and how Cheryl chose this adventure has the core of her redemption, the script wisely lets us focus more on who Cheryl is at this point, setting up a journey that is as affecting as it is dreary.

Grade: B+ 

Review: ‘The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1’

hunger games mockingjay

As expected, the worst book of a trilogy is, in fact, the worst movie. At least the Part 1 aspect.

Picking up right after the shattering events of Catching Fire, part 1 of the final two installments takes Katniss to her destroyed home in District 12, a not-so-subtle reminder that everything she loved has changed forever. And she’s never getting it back.

Her new set of problems are rightfully different from the ongoing threat of a battle royale with her peers. She’s now thrust into the center of a political revolution, where she’s the strategically ineffective mouthpiece for a war she doesn’t want to be a part of. While not as exciting as her previous obstacles, at least Mockingjay tries to do something new with the character. It’s just unfortunate that watching these politics play out onscreen aren’t much more scintillating than the book its based on.

The filmmakers worked hard to manufacture a climax, but it falls flat as the audience is left wondering why the film was cut in two in the first place. But in the world where sequels double profits, there was no doubt Lionsgate would capitalize. Perhaps marathons with both installments will solve this off-putting interruption.

Even without an actual Hunger Games this time around, Mockingjay: Part 1 has a fair share of action, albeit scattered in varying attempts to capture Katniss’s bravery and compassion on television for the revolutionary masses. This satire of how public relations can skew a war is brilliantly written, though forced to be a little too much of the focus of a movie that needs more going on with its characters, who stare blankly at walls with flashlights for extended scenes.

The parallels between Katniss the character and Jennifer Lawrence the movie star are obvious enough to appreciated, as several logos are shared between both properties (and a great marketing campaign utilizes their symmetry to great effect). Just as Katniss is being exploited to sell a war, Lawrence’s youth and charisma is being exploited by Hollywood to sell a franchise, and it works.

But overall, Mockingjay: Part 1 is a slow adaptation that suffers from being based on what amounts to a rough draft of a book. It still transcends its source material as these movies have consistently done, as they take us out of Katniss’s head and into the lives of other, sometimes richer, characters. Let’s just hope that the final installment is a wrap up worthy of the franchise.

Grade: C+

Review: ‘Interstellar’

interstellar worth watching

Is Interstellar worth watching?

Yes, but manage your expectations.

I watched the film in its best format — 70mm IMAX on one of the biggest screens in the country. I couldn’t have been any closer to the content.

It’s a spectacle of a movie. It uses a lot of flair and constrained visual effects to justify its ridiculously long runtime. And it’s best feature is the emotional story that evolves between Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) and his daughter Murphy (played by Jessica Chastain as an adult).

But the fantastic performances and literally epic world-building is undercut by the science of it all. The ultimate story. It doesn’t wrap up as nicely as it ought to, as the final act tries to be a deserved payoff, but for me it felt confusing and underwhelming.

But it’s still a blast of a movie, and among Nolan’s most ambitious. It’s just not his best.

The trick with Nolan is that he’s often misunderstood as more of a thinking filmmaker than he really is. The director excels most at spectacle that is raised by high concepts, so it’s easy to expect a little too much out of his offerings. 2001, this isn’t.

In other words, he’s very serious, but you shouldn’t take him too seriously. Here, he scatters his near-future world with interesting locations, a race against time, and deep familial relationships, but the only matter truly at the center here is the latter. Otherwise, it’s a lot of exposition carried on by mostly relaxed scientists placed in a hopeless situation. Interstellar gets much of this drama right, but it comes sparsely within the meat of the movie’s middle.

By the end, the power and mystery of love get a little too much attention, as the film trades its interesting themes of man versus nature for a strange admission that both are one in the same. For most moviegoers, this message won’t resonate. But perhaps they’ll be too enthralled by the gorgeous vistas and raw human emotions that are also in play.

Interstellar speaks a lot of sacrifice, both unseen and through our main character, Cooper. Strangely, a lot of the sacrifice he undergoes is written out of the story in favor of a convenient resolution. That said, Nolan shouldn’t be faulted for putting so much effort into injecting spirituality into a film void of hardly anything else.

If the tide continues to turn in favor of Christopher Nolan being one of our most overrated filmmakers, then Interstellar will likely be one of the jewels of that argument. Strangely, it’s probably Nolan’s boldest work.

Grade: B-

Review ‘Big Hero 6’

big hero 6 mini review

 

Big Hero 6 is more ambitious than it is a work of art. The characters are brilliant, but not all of them. The visuals are jaw-dropping, sometimes. In fact, the movie is sort of symbolic of Disney and Marvel’s own mashup as two major companies. They go together to create something beautiful, but sometimes you wonder if it’s better than much of anything else.

At any rate, this movie is worth your time if you at least have an undying love for animation, and where the discipline is headed for the next few years. Fans of Frozen, Wreck-it Ralph, and even Pixar movies will find something to love here, as it manages to pull off an emotional core with its story, without feeling forced (this was one of Frozen’s blatant flaws).

Even Marvel fans will get a kick out of this movie’s energy and humor, and it’s just absurd enough of an adaptation to keep fans of the comic from feeling left out. Though it’s hard to justify a Disney movie that so brazenly mixes its themes with a comic book made from such a disparate tone. You’re probably better off never knowing anything about the source material if you want to get the most out of Big Hero 6.

More superhero film than Disney film, that ends up being what holds the better parts of Big Hero 6 back, as its tale of heroes uniting to stop a vanilla threat is nothing we haven’t already seen too much of. The film’s best material surrounds the patriarchal relationship between the created and the creator, only the created serves as the father figure in this sense.

Baymax is a giant robot with a lot of charm at his disposal, and he is the heart of a movie that should have refocused on how his character develops alongside Hiro Hamada, the young inventor connected to him. Instead, the film frequently sidesteps their story in order to deliver some of the more expected superhero cliches and a rushed assembly of superhero teammates.

For a first try into the foray of Marvel animated adaptations, Big Hero 6 is still a triumph. Gorgeous visuals and stunning animation elevate the fictional location of San Fransokyo (a mash up of San Francisco and Tokyo) to heights on par with more established comic book cities. And it serves as an excellent backdrop to the adventures of a boy and his robot. It’s just too bad the final product is too much, too soon.

Grade: B