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‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ Should Probably Abandon Ship After ‘Dead Men Tell No Tales’

Pirates of the Caribbean

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is the fifth entry in Disney’s theme park attraction turned film franchise. Sadly, this new entry isn’t just missing Gore Verbinski’s keen direction that made the initial trilogy a smash hit. It’s also missing the basic elements of good storytelling.

Anyone who tells you that Dead Men Tell No Tales is a “retread” of the earlier Pirates films is ignoring the fact that this new story about undead pirates chasing the infamous Jack Sparrow and his love interest sidekicks across the sea is actually quite original in how utterly boring the whole thing is.

Go on…‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ Should Probably Abandon Ship After ‘Dead Men Tell No Tales’

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The New ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ Story Actually Sounds Promising

pirates of the caribbean

From Comingsoon:

Thrust into an all-new adventure, a down-on-his-luck Captain Jack Sparrow finds the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost pirates led by his old nemesis, the terrifying Captain Salazar (Bardem), escape from the Devil’s Triangle, determined to kill every pirate at sea…including him. Captain Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that bestows upon its possessor total control over the seas.

The movie just started production today, and this is apparently the direction it’s headed in. Honestly, I find the story vastly more intriguing since it focuses on lesser-known pirate lore (unlike the Blackbeard-infested blockbuster from 2011). I’m actually intrigued to see how Disney handles the film as Johnny Depp becomes increasingly more stagnant as a box office draw.

Also, the film is pulling in some great names, including Skyfall‘s Javier Bardem and “Skins” star Kaya Scodelario, who you saw (sort of) in The Maze Runner. That’s not even mentioning that Geoffrey Rush (Barbossa), Kevin R. McNally (Gibbs), and Stephen Graham (Scrum) will be reprising their roles.

Color me hopeful.

What Happened to Johnny Depp?

what happened to johnny depp

Johnny Depp’s latest movie, Mortdecai, was released this past weekend, but that’s not good news. Critics and audiences unanimously agree that the film is a huge misfire for the once celebrated actor.

So this week on the Now Conspiring podcast, Maria and I welcome guest writer Adonis Gonzalez to talk about the truth behind Depp’s tumultuous career over the last five years.

Later in the show, we review the latest movie from George Lucas’s mind, Strange Magic, and we review some of the biggest headlines of the last week, including the casting announcements for X-Men: Apocalypse and Supergirl.

Stick around for our Netflix Recommendation of the Week, as well as our overview of the new movies coming out this weekend (and which ones you might actually like).

Enjoy the show, and don’t forget to subscribe and rate our show on iTunes!

Question of the Week:

What do YOU think happened to Johnny Depp? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

Cool things we mentioned:

Star Wars rumor: Han Solo and Boba Fett get their own prequel?

CBS has found their Supergirl!

X-Men: Apocalypse has cast Jean Grey, Cyclops and Storm!

The Hobbit has been supercut into just one movie...

YES. The Captain Underpants movie is still happening!

We Finally Know What ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 5’ Will Be About (Sort of)

pirates caribbean 5

Sandy Schaefer | Screenrant:

Johnny Depp is, of course, reprising as pirate Jack Sparrow, while Orlando Bloom says he’s been approached to return to the Pirates franchise for Dead Men Tell No Tales, as part of a story that would revolve around his character, Will Turner, and Will’s son. Actor Brenton Thwaites (The Giver), who is playing the movie’s young male lead (who may or may not be Will’s son), has now shed a little more light on that matter.

Another recent development is that Kaya Scodelario (that one girl in Maze Runner and Effy from Skins) has been cast for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

If the movie really does feature Will Turner/Davy Jones’s son, then it will obviously be hard to tell the story without even a glimpse of him, but I suppose it’s possible. Plus, a return to the franchise’s roots is certainly best.

Pirates has always been best when mismatching Jack Sparrow with a straight man like Turner, so his son is the next best thing for now.

Disney Is Making An ‘It’s A Small World’ Movie

Remember that time you went to Disney World and saw the sign for “It’s a Small World” after all? Well, I do. I was traumatized enough to remember the weird puppets, murky water and completely underwhelming climax (even for a six-year-old).

I did, however, have the time of my life when I rode it again at the age of 17. My generation in a nutshell.

its a small world movie

So you can imagine my reaction to the news that Disney wants to make a movie based on the attraction. Not only that–they’re planning to turn this into a legitimate franchise. (The news is timely because yesterday was the 50th anniversary for the ride).

Don’t let yourself get too surprised, though. We knew this was coming when Disney struck gold with the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, which was also based on a theme park ride in the Magic Kingdom.

its a small world movie

Maybe I’m jaded, but I’m having a hard time believing that they can strike gold twice without Johnny Depp, the proverbial pickaxe. His role as Jack Sparrow is what really fueled the success of those Pirate movies, and I’m not so sure he’ll be willing to come back for more with a movie that will apparently have to be about globalization and a one-power totalitarian government (am I interpreting “It’s a Small World” correctly?)

Speaking of talent, Disney is hiring Jon Turteltaub (the director of both National Treasure movies, including the third one that is still in development).

To be fair, Disney is undoubtedly aware that their theme park rides aren’t automatic cash cows, thanks in no small part to the failure of Haunted House, which followed the same formula as “Pirates” in the sense that it relied on star power (Eddie Murphy) to keep audiences coming.

As it stands, I have no clue what the story or basic premise of this “It’s a Small World” could be, and it seems pretty pointless to speculate since it will probably be totally unrelated to the ride.

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