Jon Negroni

How Not To Date Your Best Friend

how not to date your best friend

Is it love? Or is it unconditional love?

You’ve been friends with this person for months, maybe years.

Everyone tells you that the two of you are the next Harry and Sally, whatever that means.

You’re attracted to how easy and fun your platonic relationship is with this person.

And yet you still have no idea what to do about it.

Because the question of, “Will this ruin our friendship?” burns in your mind every time the subject is brought up or close to getting brought up.

Most people assume that the woman is always the one to hesitate in this respect, while the man is ready to move the friendship into something more.

This is definitely true in a lot of cases, but men go through the same thought process.

Ladies, I’ve come to believe something depressing: Most guys only want to become your best friend in order to date you.

I know this because I’ve done it, and so has almost every guy I’ve ever met or come in contact with. We talk about it. We don’t like to admit it to you.

Maybe there’s a bright side. Maybe it’s OK to be flattered by the fact that a guy is willing to be friends with you before harassing you with dating requests.

The only problem is that constructs like the friend zone require an immense amount of maturity to navigate, and most guys don’t have the ability to handle that. So for that, ladies, I’m sorry.

But know that even if the guy has an agenda, it can come from good intentions. He’s probably just handling it wrong. He’s attracted to you, but he doesn’t want to quickly ask you out before getting to know you (or he fears rejection…there are plenty of possibilities.)

Let’s be honest. This is borderline manipulative on his part. If the man in the friendship only wants to date you, then you’re in trouble. Every move he makes is going to work toward his advantage first and foremost — instead of yours.

He’ll talk trash about the guys you bring up in conversation (sometimes with clever subtlety), and he may even orchestrate ways to keep you from other friends and possible love interests. For that, ladies, I’m sorry. A lot of us are simply unprepared to handle the responsibility of delicate relationships like this, and human beings are generally terrible at being good to each other as is.

Here’s my story. I’ve always hated the idea of dating your best friend. I’ve never had luck with it, starting with the first time a “best friend” convinced me to stop dating someone else for her (Yes, it works both ways).

Of course, this was back in High School, and that dark four-year time period does a lot of damage to all of us. So much so that it took me years to recover and am still a changed person (she broke up with me a month later). Perhaps for the better.

You’d think I would have learned my lesson, but 5 years after that, the exact situation repeated itself. Best friend + lured me away from another girl = broke up with me a month (and 1 week) later. History repeats itself and all that. Only difference is that we’re still friends years later.

The good news is that these experiences have allowed me to appreciate the close friendships I’ve cultivated with women regardless of whether or not we would end up dating. It’s actually a freedom I wouldn’t dare discontinue.

The best part is that most of you ladies are actually willing to let a guy into your life without having an agenda of your own because most of you understand how a platonic relationship can be just as rewarding as a romantic one.

That’s huge.

But this still doesn’t address the most important problem I see with people who are pressured into dating their best friends. Don’t get me wrong — I firmly believe that growing a romantic relationship from a close friendship is one of the best ways to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

We just need to take a step back and examine some things first.

First off, and this is for the men out there, be ridiculously honest. Communicate. If you are attracted to your best friend and you notice the friendship becoming more intimidate, tell the girl how you feel.

It’s scary.

It’s real.

It’s necessary.

If you hold back or ignore your feelings, letting them fester unchecked, then you’re setting yourself up for inevitable pain. The friendship is at actual risk of being ruined when you wait far too long and then drop the “I have feelings for you” bomb. In other words, the longer you wait, the harder and riskier the conversation will be.

The key is to be transparent before you start building a close friendship. If you haven’t asked her out yet because you want to be friends first, then let her know. Let her know that you are attracted to her, but you’re willing to stay friends and be platonic, at least for now. If she isn’t fine with this, she now has a chance to opt out. The same works the other way around.

And if the truth is that you only want to be her friend for the sake of a romantic relationship, then walk away and do some soul-searching. Guys, there is much more to life than seeking a wife, and if that’s all you want from women you aren’t related to, then you need to be single for a while.

So tell the girl how you feel before you let the friendship progress, assuming you have strong feelings in the first place. If it’s basic attraction, you likely don’t need to say anything depending on your maturity level. We’re talking about actual, heart-ready feelings and a craving for true intimacy.

The worst case scenario is that she won’t reciprocate your feelings, but she will hopefully appreciate a clearing of the year. She doesn’t have to wonder what your intentions are. There’s no room for awkwardness anymore because you’ve filled it with a possibility of honest friendship.

At this point, you’ll know exactly where you stand with the other person, and you don’t have to begin pining away for someone who will always see you as a friend and nothing more. You can finally invest healthy emotions into the friendship, which means you both benefit.

Do you know why most friendships end when the guy does tell the girl how he feels? Resentment. Either he will resent the girl for rejecting her when he was so sure she wouldn’t (perhaps because he waited too long), or she will resent him for having an agenda.

This isn’t a science, but don’t wait too long. Prevent resentment by promoting transparency. You can’t resent someone for being honest with you from the beginning.

If she rejects you, then I can almost guarantee that the girl will stay friends with you, and if she doesn’t, it’s fine to move on.

After all, she’s not stupid. She’s likely wondered whether or not you have “other” feelings, and she’s probably waiting for you to just be honest about them.

Ladies, be ridiculously honest. Men can take it. Leading us on for the sake of sparing our short-term emotions can do more damage than you might realize, even if you’re unaware of whether or not you’re leading a man on.

“I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” If you say something to this effect, then the guy (or girl, if the roles are switched) will assume that you will be ready for a relationship with him or her later.

Just be honest. Tell the person you want to be friends. You don’t have to explain it any further. If the guy asks you why you only want to be friends, then say you just want to be friends. You’re not obligated to dissect every emotion you have for the sake of his pride.

That said, handle with care. If the man is willing to talk to you about how he actually, brutally feels, then you’re dealing with someone who is worthy of being your best friend. Why would you want to be confide in someone who doesn’t have the integrity to let you know exactly what the deal is?

Finally, and this is for everyone, you don’t have to date your best friend. You just don’t. Don’t let the pressure from other people and external obligations dictate your personal life.

I think for some of us, we want to date our best friend because we may not be confident in our ability to find compatibility with another human being from the ground up. But do you really believe the odds are against your favor that much?

Give yourself, and the world, a little credit.

 

The 7 Deleted Songs From “Frozen” That You Haven’t Heard Yet

One of my few complaints about the movie Frozen was that it seemed to be lacking 1, 2 or even 3 music numbers, at least toward the end. So imagine my surprise when I was told that there were SEVEN songs that didn’t make it to the reels.

Fortunately, YouTube exists, so we are able to listen to the songs online and let our imaginations fill the blanks. Let’s listen!

(WARNING: There are some spoilers in this, so don’t keep reading unless you’ve watched the movie!)

1. We Know Better

This first video features the song “We Know Better.” It would have explored more of the background between Anna and Elsa, before Elsa accidentally freezes Anna during the actual first few scenes of the movie.

I like this song because it shows us more of the deep bond the sisters have before Elsa has to become a recluse, making the following song – Do You Want To Build A Snowman – that much more depressing.

2. Spring Pageant

The next song is “Spring Pageant,” which was deleted for a pretty good reason. It turns out that an early version of the movie featured a prophecy surrounding the main characters. I would have liked something like this to explain more of why Elsa has powers – which the movie doesn’t elaborate on – so excluding this song from the final version makes sense.

But it’s still pretty great.

3. More Than Just a Spare

This next song was meant to help us get an idea of what it’s like to be Anna, the “spare” princess. Because she isn’t the heir – Elsa is – to the throne, she feels deep down like a spare.

“More Than Just a Spare” was probably removed because it would have added an extra plotline that doesn’t really get answered later on. That said, it would still make a great plot device to explore in a possible sequel.

4. You’re You

This was originally the predecessor to “Love is An Open Door,” which is the moment that was meant to establish the romantic relationship between Anna and Hans.

Though I don’t prefer it, it does make a deranged bit of sense to hear Hans saying somewhat mean things about Anna that are actually revealing about his true intentions…

If they did keep it, the song would have probably fit in better when Anna said goodbye to Hans before embarking on her journey to save Elsa.

5. Life’s Too Short

I really wish this song had made it to the movie, as it is a far more dramatic representation of the conflict between Elsa and Anna before Elsa accidentally freezes Anna’s heart. In my opinion, it makes Anna and Elsa’s later act of love feel vastly more meaningful.

What especially caught my attention is how Anna tries to get Elsa to put her gloves back on, which makes Elsa flip out “Let it Go” style.

6. Life’s Too Short – Reprise

This next one is the reprise of “Life’s Too Short,” which is clearly the sadder version compared to the upbeat one we just heard. It’s supposed to take place while Anna is freezing and Elsa is in prison.

In my opinion, this is exactly the kind of song that was missing during the final act.

7. Reindeers Remix

Finally, we have the song that was meant to be the movie’s final song, featuring the under-utilized Jonathan Groff. I love it because it would have left the movie on a funny note that captured the fun of the song Groff sings earlier about Sven.

And that’s it! If we’re lucky, these songs will appear in High School plays all over the world for years to come.

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The Dads Of Full House Reunite To Comfort Jimmy Fallon

When I was a kid, I watched every episode of Full House about 30 times. It was a ritual. So to watch the original trio return for a comedy sketch on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon was a surprise/treat that I certainly wasn’t expecting.

In this video that made me cry almost as much as the Fault In Our Stars trailer, Bob Saget reprises his role as Danny Tanner, the loving father who always seems to invoke sad, sappy music whenever he starts to talk.

Of course, the video is made by the further reprisals of John Stamos’s Jesse Katsopolis and Dave Coulier’s Joey Gladstone. They brought back several old favorites from the 90s TV show, including Mr. Woodchuck, “Have Mercy” and even “The Teddy Bear Song.”

See for yourself and let your heart remember the dream of the 90s:

Also, if you want to see the amazing performance by Jesse and The Rippers on Late Night, here is that video for you to love as well:

Thanks for Reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

“Fault In Our Stars” Trailer Is Going To Make Every Human Who Watches It Cry

I am just making that statement, regardless the consequences. If you dare comment on this post and say,

I watched it, and I didn’t cry.

Then I’m just going to assume that you are either lying, lying, or watching the trailer on mute. Actually, I’m still going to think you’re lying.

A couple of years ago, a guy named John Green wrote a book with the sole intent to make everyone who reads it experience the same gut-wrenching emotion of having your heart ripped out of your chest and thrown into a vat of acid.

He called it The Fault In Our Stars, and it went on to induce the tears of millions of people who are awesome enough to read books. So Hollywood decided that everyone deserves to feel this emotion, and a movie was greenlit.

When doing the casting, some genius figured out that no one displays the emotional vulnerability quite as effectively as an actress who is desperately trying to break out of a career that has so far only been defined by a major role on a ridiculously terrible, but famous, TV show on ABC Family. Naturally, they picked Shailene Woodley.

Oh, and they cast Ansel Elgort as the leading male, which is interesting because Woodley and Elgort will be reuniting on another book-to-movie adaptation for the popular series, Divergent. 

Because…whatever.

The book/movie is about two terminally ill teens who fall in love. That’s really all I can say about it. You should already be cringing because you know that emotional grenades are being thrown, so if you want to damage your soul further, go ahead and watch the first trailer for the movie. I dare you.

Yeah. That happened.

Here are just a few quotes in case you want to prolong this euphoric cry:

I believe we have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories. On the one hand, you can sugarcoat it. Nothing is too messed up that can’t be fixed with a Peter Gabriel Song. I like that version as much as the next girl does. It’s just not the truth.

What’s your name? 

Hazel

What’s your full name?

Hazel Grace Lancaster.

Why are you staring at me?

Because you’re beautiful.

What’s your story?

I was diagnosed when I was thirtee-

No, no your real story.

I am quite un-extraordinary.

I reject that out of hand.

Gus, I’m a grenade. One day, I’m going to blow up, and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And I don’t want to hurt you.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.

I am in love with you Hazel Grace. And I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable…and I am in love with you. All of your efforts to keep me away from you are going to fail. 

We are a hot mess. 

Are you angry?

So angry.

You need to break something.

You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I can’t tell you how they cry out for a little infinity. 

It’s a good life, Hazel Grace. OK?

OK.

Still there? You may have noticed that I pretty much transcribed the entire trailer. I didn’t plan on it. I just couldn’t leave anything out without feeling like I was robbing you of something.

At any rate, you have about 5 months to stockpile on Kleenex before the movie hits theaters in June.

Thanks for Reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me The iPod Was Over?

I got into my car this morning clutching my iPod Nano with a grip only an actor auditioning for a shake weight infomercial would understand.

This is partly because it was 16 degrees outside, but I also like to believe that love had to do with at least some of the rigor mortis contained in my appendages (I don’t like typing the word fingers).

In order to listen to my favorite music this week, which mostly consists of the Frozen soundtrack songs I’m not sick of yet and OneRepublic, I have to plug the iPod into an FM transmitter because I’m poor.

The sweet sounds of a terribly confused snowman start to enter my ear, compelling me to start checking what my iPhone has been up to while the car warms up. Feeling impressed that I haven’t checked the phone in about 12 minutes, I eagerly skim through my Tiny Death Star Updates and which articles my friends are drooling over.

Then it happens. Everything changes.

I see the headline that makes me wish that I checked my phone while I was cleaning my oatmeal dishes, but I didn’t because the therapist says I have a problem.

“The Age of the iPod is Over.” Heading.
“Apple’s Game Changer is Riding into The Sunset.” No.

By Sean Hollister. WHY SEAN??

Thanks to Sean’s ahem “analysis” on The Verge about depressing iPod sales over the holidays, my entire world gets flipped upside down.

He uses things like facts and math to prove that iPhones (no! My iPhone did this??) have “cannibalized” their predecessors. I panic.

Luckily, my hands are close to the iPod Nano, and I shut it off immediately. From what I can tell, no one even heard me using it.

But then something dawns on me. My roommate Kenny left for work just 10 minutes ago…and he’s probably using his iPod to listen to Foxy Shazam as I sit in the car feeling sorry for myself.

So I put the car in gear, even though it’s automatic, and fish-tail it out of our neighborhood, barely swerving in time to prevent an accidental school bus stop story that would have certainly been on the news.

I predict that the traffic will only slow me down, along with the fact that I don’t have any music to pump me up while I’m driving. For the first time in forever, I’m on my own.

But then I remember that there is one place Kenny can’t resist visiting before work, even when he’s running late. I don’t know if it’s because he’s from New Jersey, but the man can’t handle going a day without McDonald’s.

I pull into the parking lot peering over the heads of morbidly obese – I mean pleasantly plump – citizens who cloud my efforts to see Kenny. I then realize that he’s in the drive-thru, and I’ve just missed him.

I get back into my car and manage to pull out into the road in time to see Kenny braking behind a yellow light (obviously) so that he can start chowing down on whatever breakfast burrito combo they’re pushing this week.

I manage to move in close enough to the car to see Kenny, but he’s too busy enjoying disgusting food for me to gain his attention. And then I realize there’s only one solution. One disposable item that I can throw at his car in order to make him realize that life is happening.

I say goodbye to my iPod Nano, briefly revisiting the times we’ve shared. The laughs. The pressing “next” after Amy Winehouse comes on because it’s too painful. Then pressing “back” when I realize my mistake.

But it’s nothing but a memory now. I throw the iPod Nano toward Kenny’s driver side window. I then realize that the window is rolled down, so I have to pick the iPod up again and start over.

The iPod hits Kenny’s window at the moment he puts his mouth to paper that is either yellow because of its manufacturer or because of its content. He pauses. He tilts his head toward the window, getting ready to see just what disturbed his morning ritual. As his eyes set on mine, he squints.

I look him dead in the eye and wait for him to roll down his window. “WHAT?”

I explain the situation in one sentence. “The age of the iPod is over!”

Kenny looks down. Then he looks up. “I don’t have an iPod.”

Thanks for reading! This post was kind of a little fictional, though the emotions were definitely real, especially the original article that was, in fact, written by Sean Morris. Sean….

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Is This What Pixar Movies Will Look Like One Day?

We’ve gotten pretty used to CGI animation. So much so, the idea of animation evolving even further doesn’t always get brought up, at least not in my mind.

But the truth is that innovation is always happening. It’s always…innovating (unlike my vocabulary.) When I was doing research for the Pixar Theory, I couldn’t help but notice just how far we’ve come since Toy Story, though the technological advancements have only been incremental.

Well, that may change in the not-so-distant future. Pixar recently published a video showing off a completely different animation style for our viewing pleasure. You can view the full video below:

Stylizing Animation By Example from Pierre Bénard on Vimeo.

What gets me excited about this type of style is how close it sticks to the original Disney movies. It feels more drawn.

One major complaint about CGI, at least from me, has always been that it has a knack for lacking expression. It just takes way too much time and effort to make computer animated films be as fluid as the animated movies from just 15 years ago. Wow I feel old.

This fusion of art and pixels, however, provides a new twist on how onscreen characters can be rendered. The crisp frame-rate combined with other big words I’m not going to pretend I know could promise to deliver movies we’ve never imagined before.

Of course, these are just white paper innovations, and Pixar probably isn’t close to incorporating them in upcoming movies. In the meantime, we still have the fortune to enjoy the already masterful animation Pixar (and other great studios) have privileged us with.

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Relationships Are a Lot Like Mobile Apps

When you download a mobile app, there is an initial excitement. You can’t wait to explore everything about it. Not even the bad things seem to bother you, like slow loading times and  an awkward interface.

Friends get bothered by how much time you spend with that mobile app. Every opportunity you get is spent on that app, alienating you from your other responsibilities.

relationships

Over time, however, the enthusiasm you once had for the mobile app you now possess has waned. You’re just not that into it anymore.

Maybe it’s because it wasn’t as great as you thought it would be. “This is fair,” you might think to yourself as you spend less and less time with the app you once couldn’t rip yourself away from.

You don’t want to fully break off the relationship you have with this app. You’ve both been through so much together, and you want it to still maybe be there in the future. You know, when you’re not quite as sick of it anymore. It’s harsh, but that’s how you really feel.

The problem is that what you really need to do is just delete the app from your phone. Any future interactions are going to be awkward anyway, and it’ll never really be the same. But you insist on trying to keep that app on the hook, tucked away in a folder for potential use.

But the mobile app isn’t ready to let you go either. It starts notifying you all of the time, begging for you to spend time with it again. You may even receive emails, reminding you of the features the app you used to offer you, pleading for your return.

The notifications become incessant, and you begin to realize that deleting the app should’ve been your first move. But you’re in deep now, and ripping off that band aid is going to hurt.

And now, you’re staring at the delete button, petrified. “What about all of the data this app has stored about me? Will deleting it at this point even matter?”

It’s true that the app may be still linked to your social media profiles and even email. You almost feel obligated to just get back together with that app out of sheer convenience. But you’re not a monster. You do what needs to be done. You remove the app from your phone once and for all.

You still see the app once in a while, hanging around the app store or being mentioned by a friend on Facebook. It bothers you less and less, however, as time goes by. You’ve moved on. You’re over that mobile app.

And that’s how relationships are like mobile apps. For the record, deleting an app isn’t being compared to killing the person. If your mind went there, please contact your local mental health counselor. I’ll probably be in the appointment right before you.

Thanks for reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.