Snarcasm: The Villain of ‘Incredibles 2’ Is Going to Be Dash, I Guess

incredibles 2 villain

Snark + Sarcasm = what you’re about to read.

“Hey Jon,” said the Internet.

“Yes?”

“Check out this Incredibles 2 fan theory.”

“Uh, OK. Is it a copy-paste job of some random Reddit posting that is now on Buzzfeed?”

“No.”

“Cool. So, what’s the—”

“It’s on MTV.com.”

makes dial-up noises

Professional Reddit user and MTV writer Stacey “don’t tell me you don’t want her job” Grant recently put out this gem:

This Incredibles 2 Fan Theory Suggests a Beloved Character Could Actually Be a Villain.

incredibles 2 villain

Now, I don’t have any problem with speculating future movie plots and suggesting potential villains for sequels. Just as long as you give good reasons for why you think the story will turn out the way you play it out in your head. I’ve done this in the past for saying that a revived Tadashi-turned-Sunfire would make for an excellent villain in Big Hero 7, but in that case, I backed it up with reasonable evidence for why it would make sense for the story that is begun in Big Hero 6.

What you’re about to read isn’t really a case for why Dash is going to be the villain in Incredibles 2. It’s barely more than a wild guess.

The Incredibles 2 won’t be in theaters for another three years, but the fan theories are already starting to emerge with Dashiell speed.

Dashiell who? Do you mean Parr? Do you mean “Dash’s speed?”

The most recent one comes from Reddit user Professor_Wonder.

Until next week’s fan theory by w33d_sm0k3r91.

Inspired after rewatching The Incredibles, this fan theory says who the villain will be for the animated sequel. (It definitely won’t be Syndrome, thanks to that whole cape/jet turbine fiasco.)

Oh, Stacey, you slay me.

According to Professor_Wonder, the villain isn’t going to be some brand new character, but instead be someone from the first film, someone we know and love: Dashiell “Dash” Parr.

This is a weird interpretation of the Redditor’s original post. He wasn’t saying it as if he’s some insider trying to crack the code while trying to pay attention during his meeting with the Illuminati.

incredibles 2 villain

He was just exercising a neat idea he had, certainly not to get attention or have people take his speculation seriously beyond “Oh, that’s cool, maybe.”

FOR STARTERS, DASH IS SUPER POWERFUL, WHICH IS ALSO HIS DOWNFALL.

Says who? Pretty sure having a cape is the only downfall we see much of in these movies so far.

Professor_Wonder points out how the Parr family’s oldest son “is always going to be told to [rein] in his superpower.”

Right…

Remember at the end of The Incredibles when Bob and Helen Parr had to keep reminding their son to slow down and get his super speed under control?

Yeah, it was right before the part where he listened to them without making a big deal out of it because he knows he could win the race easily.

incredibles 2 villain

Kids are impulsive,

Where’s the emojii that makes a “shocked” face?!

and teenagers are definitely no better on that front.

incredibles 2 villain

Tell us more about teenagers, MTV.

Growing up, how many times did you do the complete opposite of what your parents wanted you to do?

Which means Dash could be a compelling character, but a villain? You’re going to need more than a Green Acres diatribe about growing up to reverse the typical coming of age trope we know Brad Bird is a fan of.

MOREOVER, HE RECEIVED POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT WHEN HE ACTED OUT IN SCHOOL.

But you just said that the problem would be that he does the opposite of what his parents want him to do. If you’re concerned about his parents being enablers, then that’s a totally different issue.

After using his powers to put a tack on the teacher’s chair without being noticed (well, almost), his normally melancholy dad perked up and actually smiled and laughed.

What a terrible…father? If anything, this is a positive sign that he gets different types of support from his parents.

True, his mom wasn’t having it, but Dash paid more attention to his dad’s reaction than to his mom’s.

OK, that’s fine and all, but these are just normal behaviors of young kids, not future villains of superhero movies (not that you can’t craft a good origin story out of something mundane, it’s just that you need more to go off of than “look at this imperfect character with imperfect surroundings”).

Professor_Wonder stated, “Dash is able to garner some positive attention by doing something negative.”

Is there anything inherently “negative” or dastardly about a harmless school prank? His father is reinforcing a positive thing, which is Dash feeling free to use his powers from time to time and embracing who he really is. This is seen in the end of the film as you referenced earlier when they allow him to go out for sports.

incredibles 2 villain

It’s not like Mr. Incredible got excited about Dash robbing a grocery store or doing anything else illegal. He was glad that his son was just being a kid and having fun with his abilities.

BASICALLY, MIXING DASH’S TEENAGE IMPULSES WITH HIS DESIRE TO BE NOTICED IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER.

Dash isn’t Kylo Ren. Plenty of superheroes are impulsive teenagers who want to be noticed. But they’re still ingrained with decency that makes them heroes. Dash is already that type of character, so assuming his hormones are going to turn him to some dark side is random, not something to be expected.

It’s the same with normal teenagers. How many tough acting kids do you know who would never harm a fly? If anything, Dash’s arc would make more sense if it positioned him as a hothead superhero who does good things for the wrong reasons, causing unintended consequences. Think Speedball from Marvel’s Civil War comics.

Why did Buddy Pine become supervillain Syndrome? The main reason was because he desperately wanted to be Mr. Incredible’s sidekick, and the superhero promptly shut him down.

OK…but this is a totally different—

Buddy was a teen who impulsively felt like he needed to defeat bad guys like Bomb Voyage, but he didn’t give himself a chance to stop and think about the best way to handle the situation.

OK, but it was also about his feeling inferior to the real superheroes because he lacked powers. That’s kind of irrelevant to—

Instead, he dove in and took action, which ultimately backfired.

Sigh, yes, fine.

His plan of impressing Mr. Incredible and getting his attention failed.

Sure, but that’s probably because it was based on an inherently unhealthy relationship.

incredibles 2 villain

Buddy tried to force himself into Mr. Incredible’s life as his ward, but you can’t just transfer that dynamic onto Dash, who’s his real son.

TBH, it’s not totally out there to think the same kind of thing could easily happen to Dash as well.

OMG, well, yeah, it kind of is for two big reasons. 1) Buddy and Dash are completely different characters with completely different motivations, abilities, and connections to the main plot. 2) Brad Bird is pretty good at making movies, so it would be very odd for him to replicate the Syndrome origin story for someone like Dash, who is already a character with an established personality.

Like they say, history tends to repeat itself.

And like they also say, familiarity breeds contempt.

I don’t want to harp on the Redditor at all, as I said earlier. His full post (which Stacey omits over half of) has interesting ideas in it that are worth a read if you’re interested. It involves a way to present Dash as a character who carries on the subplot from the first film involving Edna’s super suits, and even though it’s probably just wild speculation, it’s ten times more interesting than boiling it all down to those darn teenage kids pulling an Anakin.


Hey! If you’ve come across a silly article that deserves the Snarcasm treatment, send it my way via Twitter or the comments below!

I’m Jon and thanks for reading this. You can subscribe to my posts by clicking “Follow” in the right sidebar. Or just say hey on Twitter! @JonNegroni

The Series That Could Bring ‘Hey Arnold’ Back to Life

hey arnold

[UPDATE: Well, it’s happened people. A Hey Arnold movie has officially been greenlit.]

hey arnold jungle movie

It’s been almost 19 years since the first episode of Hey Arnold premiered on Nickelodeon, and it’s been 11 since the series ended. That’s a lot of time, and yet many people still remember and love this show. There are a lot of reasons for that.

Hey Arnold was created by Craig Bartlett, who wrote Rugrats and married the sister of the guy who created The Simpsons. He even voiced some of the characters. And in many ways, Hey Arnold was and remains unlike any other cartoon on television.

It was about a fourth-grader named Arnold growing up in a fictional (and unnamed within the show, though it’s later called Hillwood) with his friends. The city was a mashup of familiar locations like Seattle, Chicago and New York, but it built its own identity as a believable location without ever needing a label (much like how Arnold himself never needed a last name).

hey arnold

Arnold lived with his grandparents in a grungy boarding house with a couple that fought all the time, an international spy, a hotheaded construction worker, a Vietnam refugee (that Christmas episode, though), and many others. The show put effort into exploring all of these relationships, as well as the lives of Arnold’s close friends at school.

These school kids were such well-developed and interesting characters that the show routinely featured them in their own episodes, some without any hint of Arnold himself. Characters like Harold, Eugene, Sid, Gerald, and even Stinky all had well-written episodes devoted to them. It’s hard to think of any other show on any network that his such a big catalogue of characters with rich backstories.

But much of the show’s success and impact is due to how comfortable the show was with exploring the lives of the girls at this school, not just the boys. Rhonda, Phoebe, and of course, Helga, all had many episodes of their own, despite Hey Arnold being originally conceived as a show for young boys.

hey arnold

For this reason, everyone had a reason to like Hey Arnold. If you didn’t really care for Eugene’s accident prone problems, you could always wait for the next episode about Rhonda learning humility and having to wear glasses. Or watch Arnold befriend a man who can fly with pigeons in one of the most surreal, yet metaphysically enthralling, episodes it ever made.

Hey Arnold is, without a doubt, a unique show that deserves all of the nostalgic praise it gets. But how did it end?

The show was famous for raising lots of questions without ever paying off the answers. While some mysteries, like Arnold’s last name, were never revealed, other curious story arcs developed slowly over time, like the origin of Arnold’s parents and whether or not Helga would ever tell Arnold how she feels.

Or if Brainy ever got his head checked.
Or if Brainy ever got his head checked out for internal bleeding.

It wasn’t until years into the series that the episode, “Parents Day” finally gave viewers an answer to where Arnold came from and what happened to his parents, Miles and Stella. We found out that they were wilderness explorers who traveled the world like Indiana Jones and Lara Croft (Stella even wore a shirt right out of Tomb Raider).

But some time after Arnold was born, they vanished during an expedition to San Lorenzo, leaving their baby in the hands of his grandparents.

Years later, the series offered even more insight into what specifically happened to Arnold’s parents in the last episode that was ever produced (though more episodes were later released that happen before “The Journal”).

hey arnold

Arnold found his father’s journal, which revealed a lot about his parents’ adventures. He learned that they journeyed back to San Lorenzo (where Arnold was born to help a mysterious tribe known as the “Green Eyed People,” whom they had befriended years earlier. Stella was a doctor, and the Green Eyed People had been stricken by a disease. Since Stella and Miles were the only people they trusted, the parents had to leave Arnold and go save them.

They never returned, of course, but Arnold found a map in the back of the journal. The series actually ended with Arnold telling this to his grandparents, implying that the story was not over. Nickelodeon was going to produce a movie called Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie to finish the series, but they ended up making Hey Arnold!: The Movie instead, which was based on the planned TV special, Arnold Saves the Neighborhood. 

The movie made a lot of money, but fans weren’t very pleased.

hey arnold
Concept art for “Hey Arnold!: Jungle Movie”

Nickelodeon was planning on making another theatrical release for “Jungle Movie” despite the unsuccessful first attempt, which is why they produced “The Journal” to set it up. But disagreements between Bartlett and Nickelodeon caused the complete end of the series, including the movie.

Basically, Nickelodeon demanded that Bartlett only create shows for their network, but he refused because he was working on a series for Cartoon Network.

As a result, Hey Arnold and its finale movie were cancelled.

hey arnold
OK, fine, here it is.

For the longest time, I thought this was a sign of a theory I had about Arnold and his grandparents. Basically, I just assumed that none of these things about Arnold’s parents were true because they were so fantastical. They reminded me of the dream sequences Arnold would have in the first season, which positioned him as a more imaginative kid.

So when “The Journal” came out, I started to think that Arnold’s grandparents had planted that journal and even the photos. And I believed that they invented the story to make Arnold feel better about his parents abandoning him or passing away tragically.

But this theory is false. Bartlett was clearly working on a movie that debunks that, as we have ample concept art and plot lines that have been leaked over the years. There was no “hidden story” here for us to bother discussing.

hey arnold

Over the years, fans have clamored for Bartlett and Nickelodeon to revive the movie and finish the series strong. Despite rumors since 2012  that this could happen, no one has said anything official, which means it will likely never happen, and that’s not surprising.

In Nickelodeon’s defense, they’d be spending a lot of money to do a movie that most of its current audience wouldn’t have any previous knowledge of. At this point, only millennials like me remember this show, and many of us are too old to spend money on a Hey Arnold movie (besides me and probably anyone reading this).

We’ll probably never know what happened to Arnold’s parents, but there is one other massive plot thread that did get confirmed, and it’s sort of depressing. Unfortunately, Helga and Arnold never end up together.

Remember All Grown Up? The Rugrats spinoff that aged the characters and followed their lives as preteens and basically ruined Nickelodeon’s flagship series after two surprisingly decent seasons?

Well, the same thing was planned for Hey Arnold, but without Arnold. It was centered around Helga as a teenager at age 15, and it was simply called The Patakis. A fun surprise is that the show was deemed too dark for Nickelodeon, so it was planned to debut on MTV. Sadly, it never got off the ground.

hey arnold
Fans aren’t ready to give up quite yet.

The kicker is that in this spinoff, Helga has somewhat moved on from Arnold. For unexplained reasons, Arnold moves away from the city (maybe to live with his parents in San Lorenzo), so The Patakis would have focused only on Helga and some of the other characters from P.S. 118.

 We don’t know much about the show, but Bartlett and other sources have given us small peeks at what could have been. Helga and Arnold apparently dated for a while, but they broke up. She’s still crazy about him when the show starts, and she writes him letters every night that she’s too scared to actually send. Her new “Arnold shrine” is now a binder with all of these letters.

Seriously, imagine how seriously interesting it would have been to watch an older Helga move on from Arnold and find something else in her life to hold onto, besides the unrequited love of a kid who showed her love at the lowest point in her life. It would have done wonders for this character.

This “updated” Helga wants to write books and still has that grumpy edge to her. She still has the unibrow (thankfully) and even the classic pink bow under her cap. The pilot is about how Olga has become the black sheep of the family in pursuit of an acting career. Her father, Big Bob, is selling cell phones now instead of beepers, and Miriam is in AA (apparently our suspicions were correct in assuming there was another ingredient in those “smoothies”).

Other Hey Arnold characters were planned to be in the show, including Gerald and Phoebe as a stable couple, Sid, Stinky, and even Brainy.

hey arnold
Assuming he survived this long.

Like Legend of Korra, this series could have been a fresh start built from the legacy of a previous series. In fact, I could still see the series happening since it wouldn’t necessarily have to rely on fans of the original show to fuel it. Just look at how other nostalgic favorites like Boy Meets World and Full House are being revived on Disney and Netflix.

So perhaps one day we will get the answers Bartlett has been keeping from us likely for the sake of his own sanity. In a world where Kickstarter and social media campaigns dictate the next craze derived from our unwillingness to let go of our respective childhoods, The Patakis is more than a safe bet.

After all, if Generation X gets to see Transformers turn into four incredibly mediocre movies, then why can’t we get just a season of our favorite football head? Or at least his girlfriend.

I’m Jon and thanks for reading this. You can subscribe to my posts by clicking “Follow” in the right sidebar. Or just say hey on Twitter! @JonNegroni