Jon Negroni

The ‘Zorro’ Reboot Will Probably Make Us Sad

Zorro, our favorite California crime-fighter from the 1800s is coming back in a big way (for the people!) Let’s talk about it.

The Mask of Zorro has always been my favorite adventure movie, even ahead of A Knight’s Tale. Speaking of Heath Ledger, this new reboot—that is actually happening—is planned to emulate a certain franchise the late (and great) Heath Ledger himself elevated: The Dark Knight.

That’s right, the new Zorro is planned to be leaner, grittier and emotional—er. I’m not really sure why.

Because amidst of all of the quasi-realistic adaptations of famous costumed crime-fighters, few have actually been well-received. Yes, Man of Steel was a hit financially, but the cultural significance of the Marvel movies proved to us that you don’t need gritty storytelling to tell a good story.

What worries me is that we’re losing the campy fun and swashbuckling adventure that made me (and many of you) fall in love with Zorro when we were kids. After watching Banderas don the mask twice, I became entranced with the old Zorro movies because it was a proper homage, but what will a “serious” reboot pay tribute to for the next generation?

But we don’t have to be overly negative. There are two primary possibilities: this will either be akin to Batman Begins or Man of Steel.

In other words, it’s either going to be good or just decent.

In the case of Batman Begins, the writers found a great way to shift the dramatic narrative associated with Batman, who is frequently portrayed as a serious character in a goofy world. To put it another way, we got the Batman we deserved.

Then they tried the same thing with Superman, which followed the same basic formula. It was liberal with the story arc, had beards and tried to be as intense as possible, but it didn’t work quite as well. We left theaters feeling underwhelmed, and I’m honestly not sure why.

And that’s my honest fear about what they’re planning to do for Zorro, a character I actually cherish above Superman and Batman (don’t yell at me).

Of course, this won’t be the only iteration of Zorro vying for our attention. You may have also heard about another movie coming out called Zorro Reborn, a sci-fi remix of the original character that plants the Fox in a post-apocalyptic world. I know, but let’s just give it a chance.

What do you think? To reboot or not to reboot? Let me know with a passive aggressive Tweet or comment.

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Why I Hate College (Even Though I Graduated)

Is college right for you? I’m not one to say, but I said it anyway. I took to my other site, Scryptwriter, and wrote a full article on whether or not it’s beneficial to attend college (and why it probably isn’t).

Here’s just an excerpt:

Everyone seems to have a college degree, but no one seems to use it. 

We graduate from college ramping up scores of allegedly useful facts and critical thinking skills that ultimately teach us only how to do what we probably could have done already.

It used to be that once you graduate from college, you’re a commodity. Not everyone had a degree 20 or even 10 years ago, but thanks to the advent of the government figuring out that they can make a lot of money from hyper-educating people who have no business attending a liberal arts college, the value of a college degree has deflated tremendously overnight.

You’re not ready to grow up, so you go to college. Just like that, adolescence has been extended, and we buy into it thanks to shows like Greek, Undeclared and every college movie since American Pie 2, which have convinced us that college is a party we can’t miss out on.

Correction: a very expensive party we can’t miss out on.

Click here to read more.

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Theme Mashup Of “Full House” & “House Of Cards” Will Ruin Your Childhood

Enough talking, here’s the video.

Thanks to YouTube genius Adam Holt, we now know that there was a secret subplot to Full House all along, and it coincides perfectly with the Washington D.C. deviancy we have come to love from House of Cards.

Michelle Tanner grew up in a home much unlike anyone else’s. She always wondered why the other kids had a mother, while she had three fathers who came across as bumbling idiots.

One was a failed comedian, the other a paranoid neat freak and the last a shady nightclub owner who always found a reason to switch jobs. No one would bat an eye when he would dismiss them with this chilling line, Have Mercy.

Full House of Cards

Year after year, Michelle continued to watch her life closely, searching desperately for clues to what her family was hiding. There was no way DJ Tanner had gone from a clumsy fool to becoming a hot teenager. There was just no way. All of sudden, Stephanie gave up her dreams to become a dancer for seemingly no reason, never to speak of it again. It was almost as if someone was silencing them.

Full House of Cards

Michelle asked too many questions. Every time she would come in contact with another one of Joey’s girlfriends, they’d disappear—never to be heard from again. Even her father’s fiance vanished without a trace or explanation.

Full House of Cards

But she knew they were smart. Since she was young, they’d kept Uncle Jesse’s girlfriend around just long enough to make it seem like everything was normal. As if Michelle didn’t really need to know what actually happened to her mother.

Full House of Cards

They’d thrown around the easy explanations. Car accident. Stuffed bears as presents. Sappy music mysteriously playing to keep Michelle distracted whenever she inched closer to the truth about Pamela, a woman who looked nothing like her alleged brother.

Eventually, Michelle discovered that someone aside from her manipulative fathers was pulling the strings. They had to be. Uncle Jesse eventually got married, and he tried hard to escape. Michelle could have let him move away from this chaos, but she fooled him into staying. She needed his help, as he was the only person in the family who seemed to let out a subtle cry for help when things took a turn for the unusual. Have mercy.

Full House of Cards

Michelle was getting older, assembling clues left and right. She was close to figuring out this house she had lived in her whole life—nay, been trapped inside her whole life—could mysteriously add completely new levels and living space overnight. It’s impossible, she’d think tossing and turning at night.

Full House of Cards

Pretty small for such a full house…

Speaking to her family directly never worked. She’d ask the tough questions, and when they’d start to deflect, Michelle would have no choice but to disarm them with yet another You got it dude, which really meant, I’ll follow along for now.

Full hosue of Cards

Everything changed when Michelle took up horseback riding. It was a simple enough distraction that she picked up in about three days. For whatever reason, Michelle discovered she had the incredible ability to learn new skills almost instantly, giving her the chance to train herself for escaping this horrid life. She had tried to escape once before with Comet, making it seem as if she had lost him in the city. She failed to slip away, however, so she needed an activity to increase her stamina.

She grew to love horseback riding, and the time had come when she was good enough to go for her escape. With her new enemy-turned-ally, Michelle rode off in the wilderness, but something—or someone—manipulated the horse from a distance, causing it to throw Michelle and incapacitate her.

Full House of Cards

In the hospital, a mysterious figure came across Michelle in her comatose state. We don’t know why or how, but he managed to erase her memories, forever eluding her from the truth. She’d recollect pieces of her memory, even believing for a minute that she had a twin sister. She was so close, and yet so far.

And that was the end of it. Until twenty years later, when Michelle Tanner, now 27, has moved to Washington D.C. to run for Congress. Does she remember past?

You got it dude.

Full House of Cards

This duplicitous, blonde female is out for revenge. She’s going to unravel this Full House of Cards.

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The True Identity of Andy’s Mom In ‘Toy Story’ May Blow Your Mind

Andy's Mom

It all started with a hat.

Several months ago, one of my anonymous Pixar Theory Interns (that’s a thing on a resume) came to me with a crazy proposition: Andy’s mom is Emily, Jessie’s previous owner.

I laughed. I then agreed.

For some time, I compiled all of the evidence and found some incredible support for this theory. For one thing, take a close look at Andy’s cowboy hat he frequently wears in the movies:

Andy's Hat

Here’s another close look:

Andy's Hat

As you can see, Andy’s hat is noticeably different from Woody’s. Why is this? Why wouldn’t Andy want to wear a hat that closely resembles the one worn by his favorite toy?

It’s no secret that Andy has a close connection with Woody. In Toy Story 2, his mom (who we only know as Ms. Davis) mentions that Woody is an old family toy.

Remember that Woody doesn’t even recall that he is a collector’s item – a toy made in the 1950s. This is a deviation from other toys who know full well where they come from. It’s possible that Woody doesn’t know because he’s been in Andy’s family for a long time, possibly belonging to his father.

But we need more evidence. Take a close look at Jessie’s hat:

Andy's Hat

Ah, this hat looks familiar. It’s the same red hat with white lace that Andy wears. The only difference is that Jessie’s hat has a white lace around the center. But look at Andy’s hat again.

Andy's Hat

There’s a faded mark where the white lace should be. Why do you think that is? And what does Jessie have to do with this?

(Bob Saget’s voice) Kids, you remember the story of Jessie. Her owner Emily grew up with her, much the same way as Andy. She was incredibly loved, but Emily eventually gave her away when she grew older. Jessie ended up in storage for a long time, as confirmed by her in the movie when she has a literal panic attack over having to go back.

Now, take a close look at what’s on this bed in Emily’s room:

Andy's Hat

That is a hat that looks extremely similar to, you guessed it, Andy’s. The room is also pretty old-fashioned, leaving room for this to take place years before Andy was born.

In fact, you can clearly tell that this isn’t modern day with shots like these:

Andy's Hat

The only difference between the hat that Emily wears throughout this sequence and Andy’s hat is an extra white lace around the center, which is visibly missing from Andy’s hat. Otherwise, the hats are identical.

Also, in the donation box that Emily puts Jessie in, we don’t see the hat. We do see other remnants of her connection with Jessie, but the hat is noticeably absent. The box isn’t even big enough to hold it. So Emily held onto that hat…and maybe passed it on to her child, who would grow to also love a cowboy doll.

We never get a closeup of Emily’s face, but we do see that she has light, auburn hair as a teenager. Also, it is very short.

Compared to:

500full

The middle picture is closest to the strawberry blonde color we see when Emily is young. It’s perfectly reasonable to assume that her hair lightened as she aged, which is clearly the case in these photos (or she could have dyed it).

Here’s what we know for sure:

We don’t know the first name of Andy’s mom. We don’t know Emily’s last name. We know that Andy’s hat and Emily’s hat are the same. We know that Emily is old enough to be Andy’s mom. We definitely know that Pixar is perfectly capable of sneaking this in without being overt about it.

You may be wondering how the two characters could be the same if Emily was willing to give Jessie up so easily, while Andy was far more hesitant.

Actually, the scenarios are quite similar. Andy forgot about Woody as he grew up too, despite their strong connection. Andy even gave Woody away, albeit in a different manner than Emily.

In the end, it makes perfect sense that these two concurrent stories are so similar because they’re related by blood. It’s also a freak of destiny that Jessie would one day belong to her owner’s son, though we never get to see the mom’s reaction to seeing Jessie again.

She was probably indifferent and believed it to be a different version of the same toy. How would you respond if you saw your child with a toy that looked like one that you had as a kid? Your first assumption probably wouldn’t be that they’re the exact same toy.

What do you think? Do you believe that the two characters are the same and that Andy’s mom/Emily found redemption through the love her son had for the toy she left behind? Or, do you hate fun, love, and destiny? Let me know.

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All images courtesy of Disney/Pixar

New Promo Confirms “Heroes” Is Returning To NBC In 2015

Titled Heroes: Reborn, NBC’s blockbuster show-turned ratings disaster is coming back for another round with a standalone miniseries.

The 13-episode event series will come packaged with a digital series preceding it, but we don’t know much about the plot or character details yet. Still, we can probably expect some old faces to return or at least be referenced.

Here is the first promo:

You may recall that Heroes was a wildly popular show during its first three seasons, reaching its peak somewhere between the first and second season’s middle. Cut short by the Writer’s Strike in 2007, the second season suffered a plot rewrite that damaged the show’s continuity, a disaster that the writers never seemed to recover from.

By the fourth season, viewers were done. The show became a complicated, boring mess, and the series was cancelled after a cliffhanger in 2010.

But NBC has seen fit to give the superhero show another shot, likely due to the recent success of comic-book superheroes in mainstream movies (think Avengers, and you know where I’m getting at).

One thing Heroes managed to get right was capturing the fun of a comic book, pulling bizarre continuity events that kept us tuning in every week. They lost this along the way, trading interesting characters and powers for recycled plot devices and characters we rapidly got sick of. Not even the salacious villainy of Sylar was enough to keep the show moving.

Will NBC’s revival of the show spawn a new series? That’s certainly the plan, and FOX is definitely trying the same thing out with 24. On the bright side, NBC has had a few years to reflect on where Heroes went wrong and (hopefully) make the changes necessary to put the franchise back in our good graces.

After all, anything’s possible—a lesson we learned from episode 1 of the show in question.

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Does The New Monsters University Short Disprove The Pixar Theory?

As excited as I was about the last Muppets movie, I can’t say I care much about Muppets Most Wanted, a movie with more celebrities than jokes, apparently.

One thing I am excited about, however, is the release of a Monsters University short that premiered at the 2013 D23 Expo and will be shown before Muppets Most Wanted. I’ve been told by some that it includes possible hints at the Pixar Theory (mainly with door technology), so I’m excited to see it all play out for myself.

Here is a quick preview:

It’s not much to go on, but as you can see, the door connects to points within the Monsters’ universe (the fraternity house and the party).

In the theory, I stress how the doors manipulate time, not necessarily dimensions. This is the first time in any of the Monsters Inc. properties that we’ve seen two doors linking within the same time period.

My hypothesis has been that the monsters are actually animals that have mutated and replaced humans thousands of years after the events of Wall-E. The monsters need energy – i.e. humans – to power their world, so they use the magical properties of wood and their advanced technology to travel back in time and harvest energy from past humans.

Monsters University Party CentralThe monsters don’t know they’re traveling back in time in order to preserve the delicate timeline. They’re taught that humans and their belongings are toxic, which is really a precaution against them messing with anything that would change history.

But in this short, we see that the doors are being used for spacial travel, rather than time travel.

Will this disprove the Pixar Theory? We’re going to have to wait and find out. Discuss!

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New Amazing Spider-Man 2 Featurettes That Actually Make The Movie Look Promising

Look, you guys know me pretty well at this point. You know that Spider-man is my favorite superhero ever, and I haven’t been pleased with a single Spidey film since Spider-man 2 seized my heart with mechanical tentacles.

I haven’t been looking forward to TASM2, despite how “action-packed” and “colorful” the trailers have promised it to be. I’ve seen this trickery before courtesy of Spider-man 3, and we all know how that turned out – too many villains and not enough Sam Raimi.

But I’ve decided to be almost optimistic for a minute upon the release of these new featurettes that are currently being shown in the pre-previews for Robocop. They actually show what TASM was lacking: someone who actually resembles Spider-man.

It’s not just about the funny quips and frenetic web-slinging. Spider-man only works as a character when you display his struggle with the price of being a hero. Naturally, the first featurette is titled “The Price Of Being A Hero,” and it addresses the concept pretty gracefully.

Let’s check it out first:

We see Peter Parker and Gwen Stacey’s budding relationship being strained by both Peter’s responsibilities and his promise to Gwen’s father. We’re also teased about Aunt May’s “secrets” concerning Peter’s parents (yeah yeah, we’ve all heard that before).

Oh, and Stacey points out that she’ll be going to London? How many problems does this guy have to deal with?

Well, the next featurette shies away from the drama in favor of the action. And it actually looks pretty good at the moment:

As you can see, we get a glimpse into some of the stunt work being done for the film. They claim that they’re cutting back on the CGI, but I’m skeptical considering they only really showed off one scene…

I will say, however, that the soundtrack here worked for me. It’s no Spider-man 2, but I guess we’ll have to make do.

Thanks for Reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.