Editorials

The Dads Of Full House Reunite To Comfort Jimmy Fallon

When I was a kid, I watched every episode of Full House about 30 times. It was a ritual. So to watch the original trio return for a comedy sketch on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon was a surprise/treat that I certainly wasn’t expecting.

In this video that made me cry almost as much as the Fault In Our Stars trailer, Bob Saget reprises his role as Danny Tanner, the loving father who always seems to invoke sad, sappy music whenever he starts to talk.

Of course, the video is made by the further reprisals of John Stamos’s Jesse Katsopolis and Dave Coulier’s Joey Gladstone. They brought back several old favorites from the 90s TV show, including Mr. Woodchuck, “Have Mercy” and even “The Teddy Bear Song.”

See for yourself and let your heart remember the dream of the 90s:

Also, if you want to see the amazing performance by Jesse and The Rippers on Late Night, here is that video for you to love as well:

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“Fault In Our Stars” Trailer Is Going To Make Every Human Who Watches It Cry

I am just making that statement, regardless the consequences. If you dare comment on this post and say,

I watched it, and I didn’t cry.

Then I’m just going to assume that you are either lying, lying, or watching the trailer on mute. Actually, I’m still going to think you’re lying.

A couple of years ago, a guy named John Green wrote a book with the sole intent to make everyone who reads it experience the same gut-wrenching emotion of having your heart ripped out of your chest and thrown into a vat of acid.

He called it The Fault In Our Stars, and it went on to induce the tears of millions of people who are awesome enough to read books. So Hollywood decided that everyone deserves to feel this emotion, and a movie was greenlit.

When doing the casting, some genius figured out that no one displays the emotional vulnerability quite as effectively as an actress who is desperately trying to break out of a career that has so far only been defined by a major role on a ridiculously terrible, but famous, TV show on ABC Family. Naturally, they picked Shailene Woodley.

Oh, and they cast Ansel Elgort as the leading male, which is interesting because Woodley and Elgort will be reuniting on another book-to-movie adaptation for the popular series, Divergent. 

Because…whatever.

The book/movie is about two terminally ill teens who fall in love. That’s really all I can say about it. You should already be cringing because you know that emotional grenades are being thrown, so if you want to damage your soul further, go ahead and watch the first trailer for the movie. I dare you.

Yeah. That happened.

Here are just a few quotes in case you want to prolong this euphoric cry:

I believe we have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories. On the one hand, you can sugarcoat it. Nothing is too messed up that can’t be fixed with a Peter Gabriel Song. I like that version as much as the next girl does. It’s just not the truth.

What’s your name? 

Hazel

What’s your full name?

Hazel Grace Lancaster.

Why are you staring at me?

Because you’re beautiful.

What’s your story?

I was diagnosed when I was thirtee-

No, no your real story.

I am quite un-extraordinary.

I reject that out of hand.

Gus, I’m a grenade. One day, I’m going to blow up, and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And I don’t want to hurt you.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.

I am in love with you Hazel Grace. And I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable…and I am in love with you. All of your efforts to keep me away from you are going to fail. 

We are a hot mess. 

Are you angry?

So angry.

You need to break something.

You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I can’t tell you how they cry out for a little infinity. 

It’s a good life, Hazel Grace. OK?

OK.

Still there? You may have noticed that I pretty much transcribed the entire trailer. I didn’t plan on it. I just couldn’t leave anything out without feeling like I was robbing you of something.

At any rate, you have about 5 months to stockpile on Kleenex before the movie hits theaters in June.

Thanks for Reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me The iPod Was Over?

I got into my car this morning clutching my iPod Nano with a grip only an actor auditioning for a shake weight infomercial would understand.

This is partly because it was 16 degrees outside, but I also like to believe that love had to do with at least some of the rigor mortis contained in my appendages (I don’t like typing the word fingers).

In order to listen to my favorite music this week, which mostly consists of the Frozen soundtrack songs I’m not sick of yet and OneRepublic, I have to plug the iPod into an FM transmitter because I’m poor.

The sweet sounds of a terribly confused snowman start to enter my ear, compelling me to start checking what my iPhone has been up to while the car warms up. Feeling impressed that I haven’t checked the phone in about 12 minutes, I eagerly skim through my Tiny Death Star Updates and which articles my friends are drooling over.

Then it happens. Everything changes.

I see the headline that makes me wish that I checked my phone while I was cleaning my oatmeal dishes, but I didn’t because the therapist says I have a problem.

“The Age of the iPod is Over.” Heading.
“Apple’s Game Changer is Riding into The Sunset.” No.

By Sean Hollister. WHY SEAN??

Thanks to Sean’s ahem “analysis” on The Verge about depressing iPod sales over the holidays, my entire world gets flipped upside down.

He uses things like facts and math to prove that iPhones (no! My iPhone did this??) have “cannibalized” their predecessors. I panic.

Luckily, my hands are close to the iPod Nano, and I shut it off immediately. From what I can tell, no one even heard me using it.

But then something dawns on me. My roommate Kenny left for work just 10 minutes ago…and he’s probably using his iPod to listen to Foxy Shazam as I sit in the car feeling sorry for myself.

So I put the car in gear, even though it’s automatic, and fish-tail it out of our neighborhood, barely swerving in time to prevent an accidental school bus stop story that would have certainly been on the news.

I predict that the traffic will only slow me down, along with the fact that I don’t have any music to pump me up while I’m driving. For the first time in forever, I’m on my own.

But then I remember that there is one place Kenny can’t resist visiting before work, even when he’s running late. I don’t know if it’s because he’s from New Jersey, but the man can’t handle going a day without McDonald’s.

I pull into the parking lot peering over the heads of morbidly obese – I mean pleasantly plump – citizens who cloud my efforts to see Kenny. I then realize that he’s in the drive-thru, and I’ve just missed him.

I get back into my car and manage to pull out into the road in time to see Kenny braking behind a yellow light (obviously) so that he can start chowing down on whatever breakfast burrito combo they’re pushing this week.

I manage to move in close enough to the car to see Kenny, but he’s too busy enjoying disgusting food for me to gain his attention. And then I realize there’s only one solution. One disposable item that I can throw at his car in order to make him realize that life is happening.

I say goodbye to my iPod Nano, briefly revisiting the times we’ve shared. The laughs. The pressing “next” after Amy Winehouse comes on because it’s too painful. Then pressing “back” when I realize my mistake.

But it’s nothing but a memory now. I throw the iPod Nano toward Kenny’s driver side window. I then realize that the window is rolled down, so I have to pick the iPod up again and start over.

The iPod hits Kenny’s window at the moment he puts his mouth to paper that is either yellow because of its manufacturer or because of its content. He pauses. He tilts his head toward the window, getting ready to see just what disturbed his morning ritual. As his eyes set on mine, he squints.

I look him dead in the eye and wait for him to roll down his window. “WHAT?”

I explain the situation in one sentence. “The age of the iPod is over!”

Kenny looks down. Then he looks up. “I don’t have an iPod.”

Thanks for reading! This post was kind of a little fictional, though the emotions were definitely real, especially the original article that was, in fact, written by Sean Morris. Sean….

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Is This What Pixar Movies Will Look Like One Day?

We’ve gotten pretty used to CGI animation. So much so, the idea of animation evolving even further doesn’t always get brought up, at least not in my mind.

But the truth is that innovation is always happening. It’s always…innovating (unlike my vocabulary.) When I was doing research for the Pixar Theory, I couldn’t help but notice just how far we’ve come since Toy Story, though the technological advancements have only been incremental.

Well, that may change in the not-so-distant future. Pixar recently published a video showing off a completely different animation style for our viewing pleasure. You can view the full video below:

Stylizing Animation By Example from Pierre Bénard on Vimeo.

What gets me excited about this type of style is how close it sticks to the original Disney movies. It feels more drawn.

One major complaint about CGI, at least from me, has always been that it has a knack for lacking expression. It just takes way too much time and effort to make computer animated films be as fluid as the animated movies from just 15 years ago. Wow I feel old.

This fusion of art and pixels, however, provides a new twist on how onscreen characters can be rendered. The crisp frame-rate combined with other big words I’m not going to pretend I know could promise to deliver movies we’ve never imagined before.

Of course, these are just white paper innovations, and Pixar probably isn’t close to incorporating them in upcoming movies. In the meantime, we still have the fortune to enjoy the already masterful animation Pixar (and other great studios) have privileged us with.

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The Best Times To Listen To Music – According to Genre

Each Jonre is different. Sorry, genre. Certain types of music (genres again) are best to listen to in the morning, at night, and even when you’re driving.

In other words, your mood is heavily influenced by the time of day, music heavily influences your mood, so picking the right music for the time of day is probably important. Here’s my personal list according to decade, artist, and genre (They don’t necessarily relate with each other).

music

Early Morning (6am to 9am): 

Best Decade: 60’s Music

Best Artist: Chopin

Best Genre: Soft Rock

 

Mid Morning (9am to Noon):

Best Decade: 2000’s

Best Artist: Ben Folds

Best Genre: Punk

 

Lunchtime:

Best Decade: 80’s Music

Best Artist: OneRepublic

Best Genre: Pop

 

Afternoon (1pm to 5pm):

Best Decade: 70’s Music

Best Artist: Decembrists

Best Genre: Rock

 

Evening (5pm to 8pm):

Best Decade: 90’s Music

Best Artist: Adele

Best Genre: Folk

 

Late Evening (8pm to Midnight):

Best Decade: 2010’s

Best Artist: Mumford and Sons

Best Genre: Hip-Hop

 

You Should Really Be Sleeping at this Point:

Best Decade: 20’s, 40’s, and 50’s

Best Artist: Fun.

Best Genre: Jazz

Agree? Disagree? Hate me? Well, instead of all that, just add your own suggestions!

Thanks for reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

 

Trailer Breakdown: Edge of Tomorrow

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 9.47.49 AM

I originally wrote this post on Moviepilot.

Summing this movie trailer up in one sentence is ridiculously doable. Unfortunately, I want you to actually read this before you click away and do something productive, so let’s get started on breaking down Edge of Tomorrow.

Our star is none other than Tom Cruise, Scientology’s favorite son (or sun?) and Emily Blunt. In other words, I’m halfway excited about the casting here.

Let’s check out the trailer first and discuss:

Go on…Trailer Breakdown: Edge of Tomorrow

What ‘The Incredibles’ Teaches Us About Inequality

If I make the statement that “Inequality” is one of the most pervasive issues of our time, then most of you will probably agree.

It seems like everyone is always talking about inequality politics, especially when it comes to race, gender and income.

Now, if you’re like me, then talking about politics is really boring and superfluous unless you make sense of it with movies and philosophy, two of the greatest things in the world.

Fortunately for us, The Incredibles is a movie that exists, and it even provides us with some basic philosophy that sheds some insight into how we should honestly make sense of inequality in the real world.

Go on…What ‘The Incredibles’ Teaches Us About Inequality