“Fault In Our Stars” Trailer Is Going To Make Every Human Who Watches It Cry

I am just making that statement, regardless the consequences. If you dare comment on this post and say,

I watched it, and I didn’t cry.

Then I’m just going to assume that you are either lying, lying, or watching the trailer on mute. Actually, I’m still going to think you’re lying.

A couple of years ago, a guy named John Green wrote a book with the sole intent to make everyone who reads it experience the same gut-wrenching emotion of having your heart ripped out of your chest and thrown into a vat of acid.

He called it The Fault In Our Stars, and it went on to induce the tears of millions of people who are awesome enough to read books. So Hollywood decided that everyone deserves to feel this emotion, and a movie was greenlit.

When doing the casting, some genius figured out that no one displays the emotional vulnerability quite as effectively as an actress who is desperately trying to break out of a career that has so far only been defined by a major role on a ridiculously terrible, but famous, TV show on ABC Family. Naturally, they picked Shailene Woodley.

Oh, and they cast Ansel Elgort as the leading male, which is interesting because Woodley and Elgort will be reuniting on another book-to-movie adaptation for the popular series, Divergent. 

Because…whatever.

The book/movie is about two terminally ill teens who fall in love. That’s really all I can say about it. You should already be cringing because you know that emotional grenades are being thrown, so if you want to damage your soul further, go ahead and watch the first trailer for the movie. I dare you.

Yeah. That happened.

Here are just a few quotes in case you want to prolong this euphoric cry:

I believe we have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories. On the one hand, you can sugarcoat it. Nothing is too messed up that can’t be fixed with a Peter Gabriel Song. I like that version as much as the next girl does. It’s just not the truth.

What’s your name? 

Hazel

What’s your full name?

Hazel Grace Lancaster.

Why are you staring at me?

Because you’re beautiful.

What’s your story?

I was diagnosed when I was thirtee-

No, no your real story.

I am quite un-extraordinary.

I reject that out of hand.

Gus, I’m a grenade. One day, I’m going to blow up, and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And I don’t want to hurt you.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.

I am in love with you Hazel Grace. And I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable…and I am in love with you. All of your efforts to keep me away from you are going to fail. 

We are a hot mess. 

Are you angry?

So angry.

You need to break something.

You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I can’t tell you how they cry out for a little infinity. 

It’s a good life, Hazel Grace. OK?

OK.

Still there? You may have noticed that I pretty much transcribed the entire trailer. I didn’t plan on it. I just couldn’t leave anything out without feeling like I was robbing you of something.

At any rate, you have about 5 months to stockpile on Kleenex before the movie hits theaters in June.

Thanks for Reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

37 thoughts on ““Fault In Our Stars” Trailer Is Going To Make Every Human Who Watches It Cry

  1. Oh wow you’re post is almost exactly what I’m thinking! It’s sooo sad (both trailer and book) and I totally can’t wait to watch the film!

    • I agree with you 1000%. I didn’t buy the book because I knew I’d just ruin it with water damage. I couldn’t get it for an e-reader either because it would probably short-circuit. Maybe I’ll just get it on Audible.

      • I don’t even want to think of all the tissues I have to soak when watching the film 😉

      • Jon if you like, you can listen to the book for free on youtube. That’s what I did anyway. I can’t wait to watch the movie either. I’m just thinking of taking an entire kitchen roll with me when I go to the cinema.

  2. I felt like I cried for an entire week after finishing the book–I just couldn’t get it out of my mind!
    Thank you for posting the trailer. I had no idea it was out!
    I’ll start stockpiling the tissues now!

  3. I watched it, and I didn’t cry.
    …Sorry
    But the movie will totally get me.

  4. I watched it – really watched it, pressed play and everything. Sorry did not cry. I will say that I have read the book several times and cried every single time :'( But I am skeptical about the movie being up to the standards of John Greens’ book. Which is one of the most amazing books of the twenty-first century. Just sayin’

    • It must be because you’re from Texas. I don’t know why that is a reason…but it is.

      And I agree. I worry about the liberties they’re going to take with the quotes that made the book so memorable, though we only have the trailer to go off of for now.

      • That is not a reason and I am not from Texas, it is just where I live at the moment and I live in the only cool city in the entire state. The book is perfect and it will probably be ruined being made into a movie (I always love books more than the movie). I hope not though. I am cautiously hopeful.

  5. I just watched it twice. And now I have to read the book in spite of how many tissues I may have to use. Thank you.

  6. I watched it, and I didn’t cry. Why not? It might be the rainy weather, or that I have other things on my mind, and yeah, I was trying to place the actors in other roles but failed because I don’t watch TV… or that I lost my 9-year-old son to leukemia 23 years ago and that was real, this movie trailer is make-believe…. I would like to note that I cried like a baby all through Toy Story 3 (and more recently, cried during FROZEN). I usually cry during sad movies. Just not this one. Hmmm.

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  8. sighs I’m going to be exiled from the comments for this, aren’t I? I love TFioS and have read the book and watched the trailer (Thrice, BTW), and didn’t cry over either. Maybe it’s ‘cuz I’m a souless ginger? Anyway, I digress. I would like to point out that what Hazel says is “I can’t tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity.” That is one of my favorite quotes in the book and I felt the need to correct your mini transcript. I just stumbled upon your blog and I already love it, especially the Pixar Theory! Keep creating happy things!
    Daisy

  9. I’ve read the book and it’s actually amazing, it’s one of the only books that’s actually succeeded in making me cry :'( I have to admit though, I’m a bit skeptical about the film, it looks good from the trailer but I have yet to see a film that lives up to it’s book, and (although it’s pretty petty) I can’t help but feel that Hazel is too smiley. They got Gus right, though 😀

  10. Oh my gosh I finnished this work of art a couple of days ago and now im bawling all over again I cant wait for the movie

  11. I didnt cry, no, I’m not fucking lying, you were saying all that much about how sad is this movies and I was like, all right, I’m ready to cry, and I watched the trailer, but I didnt cry, and I felt bad for it, do I have a cold heart?

  12. I watched the trailer for the first time just now…but did but cry. However, that may simply be because i just finished reading the book for the first time, and am still dead inside.

  13. Hahaha love this review. Especially the acid part. I read the book and sobbed like a baby and I watched the trailer and I cried so much because i know what happens and it’s just so sad! But please please please change your “ok” to “okay”. I know no one cares or you think it’s dumb but that’s what they say. Great review!

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  15. i just- everytime i watch the trailer, i finish about ten tissues. i am literally shaking right now because this is so perfect. and john green, despite being an evil heart-wrenching genius, is an absolutely amazing author. i mean, who would have thought that a story about two kids with cancer would kill all of our souls

  16. I read the book, watched the trailer, then watched the film. Never cried. Maybe I’m a cyborg, I don’t know.

  17. Wow can you be more of a faggot if you tried? TFIOS is extremely overrated and bland. Go read a real book.

  18. I read the book and I cried for few minutes, so I know what happens but I didn’t cried watching the trailer. Today I’m going to watch the movie with my friend and I think the tears are going to drown me!

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