“Fault In Our Stars” Trailer Is Going To Make Every Human Who Watches It Cry

I am just making that statement, regardless the consequences. If you dare comment on this post and say,

I watched it, and I didn’t cry.

Then I’m just going to assume that you are either lying, lying, or watching the trailer on mute. Actually, I’m still going to think you’re lying.

A couple of years ago, a guy named John Green wrote a book with the sole intent to make everyone who reads it experience the same gut-wrenching emotion of having your heart ripped out of your chest and thrown into a vat of acid.

He called it The Fault In Our Stars, and it went on to induce the tears of millions of people who are awesome enough to read books. So Hollywood decided that everyone deserves to feel this emotion, and a movie was greenlit.

When doing the casting, some genius figured out that no one displays the emotional vulnerability quite as effectively as an actress who is desperately trying to break out of a career that has so far only been defined by a major role on a ridiculously terrible, but famous, TV show on ABC Family. Naturally, they picked Shailene Woodley.

Oh, and they cast Ansel Elgort as the leading male, which is interesting because Woodley and Elgort will be reuniting on another book-to-movie adaptation for the popular series, Divergent. 

Because…whatever.

The book/movie is about two terminally ill teens who fall in love. That’s really all I can say about it. You should already be cringing because you know that emotional grenades are being thrown, so if you want to damage your soul further, go ahead and watch the first trailer for the movie. I dare you.

Yeah. That happened.

Here are just a few quotes in case you want to prolong this euphoric cry:

I believe we have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories. On the one hand, you can sugarcoat it. Nothing is too messed up that can’t be fixed with a Peter Gabriel Song. I like that version as much as the next girl does. It’s just not the truth.

What’s your name? 

Hazel

What’s your full name?

Hazel Grace Lancaster.

Why are you staring at me?

Because you’re beautiful.

What’s your story?

I was diagnosed when I was thirtee-

No, no your real story.

I am quite un-extraordinary.

I reject that out of hand.

Gus, I’m a grenade. One day, I’m going to blow up, and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And I don’t want to hurt you.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.

I am in love with you Hazel Grace. And I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable…and I am in love with you. All of your efforts to keep me away from you are going to fail. 

We are a hot mess. 

Are you angry?

So angry.

You need to break something.

You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I can’t tell you how they cry out for a little infinity. 

It’s a good life, Hazel Grace. OK?

OK.

Still there? You may have noticed that I pretty much transcribed the entire trailer. I didn’t plan on it. I just couldn’t leave anything out without feeling like I was robbing you of something.

At any rate, you have about 5 months to stockpile on Kleenex before the movie hits theaters in June.

Thanks for Reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me The iPod Was Over?

I got into my car this morning clutching my iPod Nano with a grip only an actor auditioning for a shake weight infomercial would understand.

This is partly because it was 16 degrees outside, but I also like to believe that love had to do with at least some of the rigor mortis contained in my appendages (I don’t like typing the word fingers).

In order to listen to my favorite music this week, which mostly consists of the Frozen soundtrack songs I’m not sick of yet and OneRepublic, I have to plug the iPod into an FM transmitter because I’m poor.

The sweet sounds of a terribly confused snowman start to enter my ear, compelling me to start checking what my iPhone has been up to while the car warms up. Feeling impressed that I haven’t checked the phone in about 12 minutes, I eagerly skim through my Tiny Death Star Updates and which articles my friends are drooling over.

Then it happens. Everything changes.

I see the headline that makes me wish that I checked my phone while I was cleaning my oatmeal dishes, but I didn’t because the therapist says I have a problem.

“The Age of the iPod is Over.” Heading.
“Apple’s Game Changer is Riding into The Sunset.” No.

By Sean Hollister. WHY SEAN??

Thanks to Sean’s ahem “analysis” on The Verge about depressing iPod sales over the holidays, my entire world gets flipped upside down.

He uses things like facts and math to prove that iPhones (no! My iPhone did this??) have “cannibalized” their predecessors. I panic.

Luckily, my hands are close to the iPod Nano, and I shut it off immediately. From what I can tell, no one even heard me using it.

But then something dawns on me. My roommate Kenny left for work just 10 minutes ago…and he’s probably using his iPod to listen to Foxy Shazam as I sit in the car feeling sorry for myself.

So I put the car in gear, even though it’s automatic, and fish-tail it out of our neighborhood, barely swerving in time to prevent an accidental school bus stop story that would have certainly been on the news.

I predict that the traffic will only slow me down, along with the fact that I don’t have any music to pump me up while I’m driving. For the first time in forever, I’m on my own.

But then I remember that there is one place Kenny can’t resist visiting before work, even when he’s running late. I don’t know if it’s because he’s from New Jersey, but the man can’t handle going a day without McDonald’s.

I pull into the parking lot peering over the heads of morbidly obese – I mean pleasantly plump – citizens who cloud my efforts to see Kenny. I then realize that he’s in the drive-thru, and I’ve just missed him.

I get back into my car and manage to pull out into the road in time to see Kenny braking behind a yellow light (obviously) so that he can start chowing down on whatever breakfast burrito combo they’re pushing this week.

I manage to move in close enough to the car to see Kenny, but he’s too busy enjoying disgusting food for me to gain his attention. And then I realize there’s only one solution. One disposable item that I can throw at his car in order to make him realize that life is happening.

I say goodbye to my iPod Nano, briefly revisiting the times we’ve shared. The laughs. The pressing “next” after Amy Winehouse comes on because it’s too painful. Then pressing “back” when I realize my mistake.

But it’s nothing but a memory now. I throw the iPod Nano toward Kenny’s driver side window. I then realize that the window is rolled down, so I have to pick the iPod up again and start over.

The iPod hits Kenny’s window at the moment he puts his mouth to paper that is either yellow because of its manufacturer or because of its content. He pauses. He tilts his head toward the window, getting ready to see just what disturbed his morning ritual. As his eyes set on mine, he squints.

I look him dead in the eye and wait for him to roll down his window. “WHAT?”

I explain the situation in one sentence. “The age of the iPod is over!”

Kenny looks down. Then he looks up. “I don’t have an iPod.”

Thanks for reading! This post was kind of a little fictional, though the emotions were definitely real, especially the original article that was, in fact, written by Sean Morris. Sean….

You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

Is This What Pixar Movies Will Look Like One Day?

We’ve gotten pretty used to CGI animation. So much so, the idea of animation evolving even further doesn’t always get brought up, at least not in my mind.

But the truth is that innovation is always happening. It’s always…innovating (unlike my vocabulary.) When I was doing research for the Pixar Theory, I couldn’t help but notice just how far we’ve come since Toy Story, though the technological advancements have only been incremental.

Well, that may change in the not-so-distant future. Pixar recently published a video showing off a completely different animation style for our viewing pleasure. You can view the full video below:

Stylizing Animation By Example from Pierre Bénard on Vimeo.

What gets me excited about this type of style is how close it sticks to the original Disney movies. It feels more drawn.

One major complaint about CGI, at least from me, has always been that it has a knack for lacking expression. It just takes way too much time and effort to make computer animated films be as fluid as the animated movies from just 15 years ago. Wow I feel old.

This fusion of art and pixels, however, provides a new twist on how onscreen characters can be rendered. The crisp frame-rate combined with other big words I’m not going to pretend I know could promise to deliver movies we’ve never imagined before.

Of course, these are just white paper innovations, and Pixar probably isn’t close to incorporating them in upcoming movies. In the meantime, we still have the fortune to enjoy the already masterful animation Pixar (and other great studios) have privileged us with.

Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to subscribe to this blog via the right sidebar. You can also connect with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

Relationships Are a Lot Like Mobile Apps

When you download a mobile app, there is an initial excitement. You can’t wait to explore everything about it. Not even the bad things seem to bother you, like slow loading times and  an awkward interface.

Friends get bothered by how much time you spend with that mobile app. Every opportunity you get is spent on that app, alienating you from your other responsibilities.

relationships

Over time, however, the enthusiasm you once had for the mobile app you now possess has waned. You’re just not that into it anymore.

Maybe it’s because it wasn’t as great as you thought it would be. “This is fair,” you might think to yourself as you spend less and less time with the app you once couldn’t rip yourself away from.

You don’t want to fully break off the relationship you have with this app. You’ve both been through so much together, and you want it to still maybe be there in the future. You know, when you’re not quite as sick of it anymore. It’s harsh, but that’s how you really feel.

The problem is that what you really need to do is just delete the app from your phone. Any future interactions are going to be awkward anyway, and it’ll never really be the same. But you insist on trying to keep that app on the hook, tucked away in a folder for potential use.

But the mobile app isn’t ready to let you go either. It starts notifying you all of the time, begging for you to spend time with it again. You may even receive emails, reminding you of the features the app you used to offer you, pleading for your return.

The notifications become incessant, and you begin to realize that deleting the app should’ve been your first move. But you’re in deep now, and ripping off that band aid is going to hurt.

And now, you’re staring at the delete button, petrified. “What about all of the data this app has stored about me? Will deleting it at this point even matter?”

It’s true that the app may be still linked to your social media profiles and even email. You almost feel obligated to just get back together with that app out of sheer convenience. But you’re not a monster. You do what needs to be done. You remove the app from your phone once and for all.

You still see the app once in a while, hanging around the app store or being mentioned by a friend on Facebook. It bothers you less and less, however, as time goes by. You’ve moved on. You’re over that mobile app.

And that’s how relationships are like mobile apps. For the record, deleting an app isn’t being compared to killing the person. If your mind went there, please contact your local mental health counselor. I’ll probably be in the appointment right before you.

Thanks for reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

A Day in Haiti

I woke up at 6am, sweating. I had done this every day by now, so the simple act of waking up consisted of only adjusting to the sound of the generator’s uproar and leaping from a bunk bed with no ladder.

I’m in Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.

One of the pictures I took during my 10 day trip in Haiti to set up eye clinics and document our work there

Ready to do my daily leap of faith from my bed, I peered out the window to see if the dogs I heard fighting last night had resolved things. Sadly, I knew that their differences would come back to light that night anyway.

No Internet meant checking my phone was a simple process of checking the time and making sure I didn’t need to add some charge before the power would go out. 60% meant I could forego charging my phone for charging my camera equipment.

The inconsistency of not knowing when I’d have power – or water – meant that my schedule was constantly in flux. I couldn’t charge anything during the night, at least for long, due to the inconsistency of the generator’s runtime.

Luckily, that particular morning gave me about an hour of charge time before we would venture out into the city for the day’s activities.

Living in a room with two elderly meant that I didn’t have time to shower in the morning, a habit I had grown accustomed to. Getting ready instead consisted of splashing water on my face and covering myself with insect repellant, a combination that made me sweat even more.

As always, breakfast consisted of oatmeal, black coffee, and any fruit that lay on the table. As I tried to multitask gathering my equipment and eating, I watched the doctors get a few sparse moments of rest before the taxing day would begin. I didn’t envy them.

The day was off to a great start. My GoPro had two fully charged batteries, a rarity. My Canon only had one fully charged battery, but the spare was gathering as much as it could in the corner of the room. As I slurped down my oatmeal and did a final check on my equipment, the truck came in through the gate.

Our guesthouse was in a convenient part of the city. We were only 5 minutes away from our main eye clinic, of which we had spent a full day stocking with equipment the day before. I had both cameras along with a harness, headgear, flashlight, snack, water bottle and handkerchief stashed into my bag and slung around my neck.

I was ready.

In Haiti, most people don’t have their own vehicle. If they do, it’s a motorcycle (they just say moto) or dirt bike. Public transportation solely consists of vans and pickup trucks with a makeshift roof.

After piling about 20 boxes of eyeglasses into the back of the truck, the rest of our team piled in with our escort hanging off the back and another sitting on top of the car.

I had a feeling that eventually, I would be hanging off the back sometime this week. I would do anything to capture the best video possible on the GoPro.

There wasn’t a single moment I was used to my surroundings in Haiti. The heaps of garbage, ditches full of waste, and irreverent faces of the destitute we passed all caught my attention fully, every single time.

The founder of the organization, HIS Vision, always seemed to notice this from me. Melinda would frequently tap my shoulder on truck rides and ask me how I was taking everything in. I always suspected that she knew exactly what was bothering me.

After a short trip, we pulled up to the clinic and saw an interesting site. The day before, the area was deserted. Today, there were over hundreds people waiting in the courtyard. Vendors were even selling food by the gate.

I began to record video for the first time that day as we pulled up. The shot panned the front line of people staring at the camera sitting precariously on my head. I have to wonder if they thought the camera was going to fall any second.

I had learned pretty quickly that Haitians don’t like cameras. I would learn this lesson even better in just a few short days.

But at the time, I was anxious and bold – ready to capture everything I could.

The team began setting up their stations at 8am, preparing the equipment for what would be a full day of eye exams and prescriptions. Because my station had not yet been determined, my sole function was just to take photos and record video.

The problem? Conserving battery was a losing battle against time. I took key shots of the crowds and “before” shots from the roof. To save battery, I knew my time was better spent doing physical labor inside the clinic, sneaking pictures along the way.

What I thought would be physical labor ended up being more akin to simply organizing boxes and making everything as clean as possible. To our benefit, the lack of electricity meant that our only light came from the barred windows, so there wasn’t a lot of light that would illuminate things like dirt and dust.

I learned that this was important because the Haitian people value appearance highly, and our goal was to position our clinic as clean, good-looking, and accessible.

The day started slowly, and I began to grow more anxious. I periodically snuck away from the clinic to explore more of the area – something that was not advised for very smart.

With my camera still placed on my head and recording, I began to explore the village we were in. Everyone stared at me with exact same expression that asked – “Why is this ‘blanc’ recording me?”

I wanted more action shots, so I began to run down the road at a brisk pace. After about 20 seconds, I noticed that some Haitians were also running behind me. Instead of thinking they were chasing me, I just assumed that we were racing. We ran for about 5 minutes before I stopped and ventured back. We didn’t say a word to each other.

100 numbers were handed out to 100 Haitians that day. Our goal was to see to all of them before dark, but there was a slight problem: we saw 19 by noon.

Not even halfway done, we struggled to move patients through the clinic quickly. I added to the confusion by tape recording brief and sudden interviews with the volunteers during their most stressed moments. I knew I would get the best insights this way at the sacrifice of their positive opinion of me.

Cornered in their small examination rooms with no air conditioning or windows, the two eye doctors were sweaty, exhausted and flustered. But they knew they had to keep their cool if they were to complete their work on time. I don’t think I’ve ever been more impressed with the patience of a human being.

For lunch, we huddled in a small office and ate PB&J sandwiches away from the public. Melinda stressed that it’s important we eat in private, as many of the people in the area would have no idea where their next meal would come from.

But I didn’t think much about them while I ate. I instead thought about the poor lighting in the clinic that was making it hard for me to snap pictures. I was thinking about the dwindling battery life in my GoPro and how exhausted my feet were from moving about so much.

The only times I didn’t think about this silly inconveniences would be when I started working at the reading glasses station. I knew I needed something to help the time pass more quickly, or I would go insane.

So I learned how to read prescriptions and give out the glasses people needed. Only one person was handling this station, Erin, and she had a lot of people waiting to receive their pair of glasses.

I thought matching the prescriptions would be pretty easy. The doctor would write down a number, and my job was to match the number with the one on the bags of glasses. The numbers were categorized according to each box of about 50-100 glasses.

It wasn’t long before I realized that this would be anything but easy, especially because most of the numbers the doctors prescribed didn’t match anything we had. Additionally, we had to test the vision of the patients once they had their glasses to make sure the prescription was correct.

It’s a good thing I work well with people. I don’t think I’ve ever had to be so persuasive in my life. Helping the Haitians pick glasses that they actually like cosmetically was a unique challenge, especially due to the fact that I don’t speak French or Creole.

I had to rely on the occasional availability of an interpreter and a short list of phrases that I happened to know. I was desperate enough to try to speak Spanish many times, which actually worked occasionally.

Once I started streamlining this station, I noticed that the patients were being moved along faster. Everyone was settling into a rhythm, myself included, but it also started getting dark.

The sun set unfairly quickly.

We had to resort to using flashlights to find prescriptions and finish up the last of the patients. I found that by attaching my flashlight to my headgear, I could navigate the clinic and provide ample light for the team.

I was growing anxious at the fact that it was pitch black with the exception of a few flashlights, and we had to clean the place up once we were done.

But no one missed a beat. As soon as the doctors finished the last round of patients, they didn’t rest. Everyone was dedicated to gathering everything up and getting it into the truck.

We would be going to a different clinic, a mobile one, the next day, so we had no choice to bring almost everything with us.

We finally managed to get everything loaded into the truck, but we wouldn’t fit in the truck now that we had more people with us – the eye doctors we were training – so I would have to ride on the back of a moto.

I thanked my lucky stars that I saved some battery (and memory) in my camera for the ride, and I was on the back of the motorcycle within a minute of being told I would.

The rush of being on the back of a motorcycle on the busy Haitian streets wouldn’t be matched until the next day. Each bump that gave us air reminded me of a loved one I had forgotten to say goodbye to before I left America.

Just a few minutes in, we stopped in the middle of the road by a large group of Haitians socializing on their motos. It’s hard to describe the scene. Many of them were offering rides and taxi to the ones without vehicles. Some were fighting about food and money, while many were just passing by. We had stopped because we ran out of gas.

And I had run out of battery.

I knew that this was a prime opportunity, however, for me to capture some honest footage of the people, and there was still some light left for me to do it.

I used this opportunity to switch out the battery. I knew my spare still had some life in it, but I also had to switch the memory card because it was full.

The anxiety was palpable. I was surrounded by people who didn’t like the fact I had a camera on my head, and my only protection was one of the female volunteers with me, Stephanie, and our Haitian driver, Jimmy.

Somehow, I still managed to fidget with the camera enough to switch everything out in time for our last few minutes of driving.

The scenery, and my up-close angle of it, was breathtaking.

All I could think about as we ate dinner that night was how many more memories I was about to make. I prepared my equipment for the next day, charged everything I could, and then found out that we had no water for showers.

But I didn’t care much. I was more focused on getting to sleep as soon as possible. I climbed the bunk bed without a ladder by the only window in the room. I turned on my flashlight and read Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises for about an hour before I finally stopped sweating and was ready to fall asleep to the sounds of the generator right outside and the vocal Haitian nightlife.

I was sweaty, aching, and perpetually terrified about what would happen next. But I’ve never felt more alive.

Day 3 of my adventure in Haiti was complete.

More of my work around the web:

Yes, It’s Possible to Be Both Introverted and Extroverted

Should Everyone Get a “Trophy”?

10 Tips to Write Better, Faster and With Insight

Why You Need To Work.

Work isn’t a four letter word. Sure, it has four distinct letters, but it’s anything but crass in the world of constant sales, marketing, prestige and (you guessed it) money.

People want work from you. More honestly, you expect work from everyone else. From the moment you step on a sidewalk or start using a public road to the instant you click on a webpage that manages to load, you expect all of the pieces to fall into place for you.

In a way, this a fantastic thing to appreciate – a world where we can expect instant gratification from so many facets of life.

Yet we hate to work. That is obvious. Slogans like “Work Smarter, not Harder” are sadly famous for motivating us to take shortcuts over doing things the right way.

Don’t get me wrong; using a hammer to build a house is better than your thumbs. That is an example of working hard and smart.

What I mean is that you can’t build meaningful things without work.

work

Too often, good folks will email me asking for shortcuts. They want my help to find tips and tricks to bypassing the work that is necessary for them to gain credibility in their given field.

It’s alright to ask, but before you do, can you honestly say that your work is good enough to show up on Wall Street Journal or The New Yorker?

But that’s what we (myself included) want. Shortcuts to success. We think we deserve it because we have nominal talent that has been validated by a handful of barely impressive people.

Real work doesn’t look like that. It looks like a construction project. We’re consistently building something that we are hoping will resemble a complete, finished product. We’ll make mistakes along the way. The house we’re building may have to be a duplex, and that extra bathroom may take up too much square footage.

Most times, however, the house we’re building can turn into a mansion.

When I started building jonnegroni(dot)com, I imagined it as a comfy apartment that would be big enough for me and some good friends. Thanks to some impressive readers and a weird attitude my parents brought me up with, it turned into something bigger and better.

I’m a believer that no vision is big enough, and if your goal is to build something larger than life, I’m the last person to discourage you. Just know that a big vision requires blueprints, strong hands, and maybe even a team.

Thanks for reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.

The Best Times To Listen To Music – According to Genre

Each Jonre is different. Sorry, genre. Certain types of music (genres again) are best to listen to in the morning, at night, and even when you’re driving.

In other words, your mood is heavily influenced by the time of day, music heavily influences your mood, so picking the right music for the time of day is probably important. Here’s my personal list according to decade, artist, and genre (They don’t necessarily relate with each other).

music

Early Morning (6am to 9am): 

Best Decade: 60’s Music

Best Artist: Chopin

Best Genre: Soft Rock

 

Mid Morning (9am to Noon):

Best Decade: 2000’s

Best Artist: Ben Folds

Best Genre: Punk

 

Lunchtime:

Best Decade: 80’s Music

Best Artist: OneRepublic

Best Genre: Pop

 

Afternoon (1pm to 5pm):

Best Decade: 70’s Music

Best Artist: Decembrists

Best Genre: Rock

 

Evening (5pm to 8pm):

Best Decade: 90’s Music

Best Artist: Adele

Best Genre: Folk

 

Late Evening (8pm to Midnight):

Best Decade: 2010’s

Best Artist: Mumford and Sons

Best Genre: Hip-Hop

 

You Should Really Be Sleeping at this Point:

Best Decade: 20’s, 40’s, and 50’s

Best Artist: Fun.

Best Genre: Jazz

Agree? Disagree? Hate me? Well, instead of all that, just add your own suggestions!

Thanks for reading! You can subscribe to this blog by email via the prompt on the sidebar. Otherwise, be sure to stay connected with me on Twitter (@JonNegroni). I’ll follow you back if you say something witty and awesome.