“Fault In Our Stars” Trailer Is Going To Make Every Human Who Watches It Cry

I am just making that statement, regardless the consequences. If you dare comment on this post and say,

I watched it, and I didn’t cry.

Then I’m just going to assume that you are either lying, lying, or watching the trailer on mute. Actually, I’m still going to think you’re lying.

A couple of years ago, a guy named John Green wrote a book with the sole intent to make everyone who reads it experience the same gut-wrenching emotion of having your heart ripped out of your chest and thrown into a vat of acid.

He called it The Fault In Our Stars, and it went on to induce the tears of millions of people who are awesome enough to read books. So Hollywood decided that everyone deserves to feel this emotion, and a movie was greenlit.

When doing the casting, some genius figured out that no one displays the emotional vulnerability quite as effectively as an actress who is desperately trying to break out of a career that has so far only been defined by a major role on a ridiculously terrible, but famous, TV show on ABC Family. Naturally, they picked Shailene Woodley.

Oh, and they cast Ansel Elgort as the leading male, which is interesting because Woodley and Elgort will be reuniting on another book-to-movie adaptation for the popular series, Divergent. 

Because…whatever.

The book/movie is about two terminally ill teens who fall in love. That’s really all I can say about it. You should already be cringing because you know that emotional grenades are being thrown, so if you want to damage your soul further, go ahead and watch the first trailer for the movie. I dare you.

Yeah. That happened.

Here are just a few quotes in case you want to prolong this euphoric cry:

I believe we have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories. On the one hand, you can sugarcoat it. Nothing is too messed up that can’t be fixed with a Peter Gabriel Song. I like that version as much as the next girl does. It’s just not the truth.

What’s your name? 

Hazel

What’s your full name?

Hazel Grace Lancaster.

Why are you staring at me?

Because you’re beautiful.

What’s your story?

I was diagnosed when I was thirtee-

No, no your real story.

I am quite un-extraordinary.

I reject that out of hand.

Gus, I’m a grenade. One day, I’m going to blow up, and I’m going to obliterate everything in my wake. And I don’t want to hurt you.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.

I am in love with you Hazel Grace. And I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable…and I am in love with you. All of your efforts to keep me away from you are going to fail. 

We are a hot mess. 

Are you angry?

So angry.

You need to break something.

You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I can’t tell you how they cry out for a little infinity. 

It’s a good life, Hazel Grace. OK?

OK.

Still there? You may have noticed that I pretty much transcribed the entire trailer. I didn’t plan on it. I just couldn’t leave anything out without feeling like I was robbing you of something.

At any rate, you have about 5 months to stockpile on Kleenex before the movie hits theaters in June.

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